I’ve been back at work since May 2008. At the beginning, I was reeling and incapable of really knowing what I wanted â€“ professionally. So I tried something I thought I would be suitable for: high-end work. I had a few clients and they were wonderful. I enjoyed myself.
I am at a new phase of life. Not only am I single again after a long time of not, I’m into my sexual prime. I feel it. Some of it may be the feeling of freedom and rebirth, some of it may be due to biology, some of it that I’m no longer on birth control pills for the first time since I was 20. Either way, these few, leisurely, well-paid assignations were very nice for me, like gentle training wheels.
And I discovered something.
There was a new feeling of authenticity. There was no need to fake anything. I was very much myself. It felt so much better than I remembered, so natural. Even better, this authenticity has started spilling over into my personal life. (Let’s just say it separates the men from the boys.)
But I wasn’t ready for hourly. Or so I thought. For some reason I was stuck on the idea of high-end. To be honest, I don’t think I was emotionally ready for hourly work at the beginning. But I think I was ready for it long before I actually began it again (after Bella’s; alternate identity, of course). There was some snob prejudice â€“ hourly isn’t as prestigious as high-end. There was Vegas itself â€“ some hourly girls I know refuse to work in that city, having done so and had awful experiences. There was the time factor â€“ hourly work arguably requires a higher investment of advertising/marketing time per appointment due to the amount of competition and the nature of the clientele (not besmirching hourly clients in any way).
When I began hourly work again, it was as a low-investment business â€“ advertising on CraigsList, no pictures. While I still regard it as a cesspool I’ve made some nice clients off there. It all depends on how you present yourself, really (the whole point Book #2!!!).
Anyway, my point is that when I began hourly work once again, a lot of the feeling from my multi-hour high-end work remained. I brought a new grace to my work. And I discovered that although I still loathe reviews as much as I always have, I also didn’t care in a whole new way. Being free to re-create my own boundaries, I did.
Yes, I’ve now given a few uncovered blowjobs. Though fun and taboo-breaking (for me), it ultimately crossed my comfort lines and I’m back to covered again. I feel more like myself and safer that way. It was an experiment because, well, I wanted to know and there way only one way to find out (yes, I touched hot stoves as a kid, multiple times). In the end, I have too much concern for my health for a small thrill. And knowing that I’m about to explore the world, I’m fully aware that uncovered anything is highly risky. The circumcised men in the US are actually rather safe in that regard. If I don’t feel completely safe giving uncovered blowjobs here, I certainly won’t elsewhere in the world.
I’ve had anal sex with a few clients. A couple times I’ve offered and had it turned down. I found that when I offer, I like it. Control-freak that I am, I don’t like it when suggested by the client. But it adds a nice new piece of fun to my repertoire. Why not? I’ve always liked anal sex, I simply didn’t want to offer it when escort work was my full-time job because I didn’t want it that often. This doesn’t violate my boundaries in any way that I thought it might. It was a pleasant discovery to make.
I French kiss clients. Not all. Not all require it and some just are completely unappealing (I’m talking to you, Mr. Garlic Dinner!). But again, I’ve found that when I offer it â€“ as opposed to it being assumed or taken â€“ I enjoy it. I offered it at the brothel, surprising several clients. I offered to my old clients when visiting Dallas last month. I’ve never been a tonsil-hockey kind of girl, but I’ve discovered the passion in sharing a kiss. I’m still really wary of colds though. Swapping spit is a great way to swap garden-variety cooties as well. And it’s something I have to feel or it violates my sense of self.
I’ve stopped apologizing for things I will or won’t do. There is a new ease in my work. Though it’s paying my bills, it’s not my full-time job (it doesn’t even count as a part-time job). It’s something I do because I can, because I’m good at it, because I enjoy it. I want to share that joy. Since I’ve managed to make some repeat clients (yes, even in Vegas), I think that’s a testament my new attitude is working well.
Surprisingly (to me), I don’t fake orgasms anymore. This whole post is started off based on this post Casey made (scroll to the comments section for my $0.04). I realized she’s at a similar point in life I am â€“ at least in regard to the erotic fun we have in our jobs. Our orgasms, our personal womanly selves, are not for sale. Those things are given freely. Not taken, given. When given, there is no expectation of return except appreciation for the gift.
This is a big concept for some men, especially those who regard my orgasm as an ego boost for them. There are a lot of those men, but…I haven’t run into many recently. Has my marketing/advertising shifted so that I’m attracting a slightly different clientele? I think so. Is my new attitude affecting the clients I see? I think so too. As usual, my policy of avoiding hobbyists (if possible) stands me in good stead. There are a lot of other clients out there and those are usually the ones I want. I see very few clients right now. Very few. I want a client for whom my visit is also an uncommon event. It’s a fair exchange that way. Jaded professional clients do nothing for me. They never have, actually.
As before, I’m in a slightly odd spot. I’m a high-end girl (quality-wise) without the pretensions necessary to really pull it off. I like my middle and upper middle class clients. I feel most at ease with them. I like hourly work (as before, I get an even mix of 1hr appointments and 4hr dinner appointments). I don’t watch the clock at all, though sometimes I do feel like I ripped myself off by staying too long. Other times, I’m just having fun and don’t really care. (Exceptions are if I really do have somewhere else to be afterwards.)
My boundaries encompass more than sex. I’m learning to be flexible rates-wise. This is something I advise escorts against. If you have one escort persona, it wreaks havoc with your marketing. I’m in a weird spot though. I’m quite happy to reward my original clients for their loyalty by grandfathering their rates. No issue there. I adore them. Potential new clients have approached me, some of them trophy hunters. Why should I give them the same price break I give my original clients who saw me simply because they liked me back when I was just another blonde escort in Dallas? Chasing Amanda is now expensive, as it should be. That, and more than one person has warned me that I would make a very fun target for police.
While that’s no doubt true, I’ve started rethinking that as well. I’m feeling confident enough to try some public advertising in the US. Why not? It doesn’t mean I have to actually see any new clients. I am the so-called Internet escort expert. Why shouldn’t I utilize the medium I know best? (Truth be told, it’s way easier to work as Amanda, a persona I’m very familiar with, than trying to create a new one that doesn’t fit quite as well. I prefer to keep things simple.)
Though I’ll be working in other countries as Amanda, I’m going to have to come up with a whole new flexible rate plan for every country. Far fewer Amanda chasers there, though I suspect I may end up raising my rates in some locales. I’ll be in different situations too, like working the street. Yes, I do plan on trying that when I feel I’m relatively safe. I’m quite okay with this sort of flex â€“ as long as it’s my decision. I learned that at Bella’s. As boyfriends have complained before, I like doing what I damn well please. Not always a bad approach to things.
How will these adventures affect my image with clients in the US? My original clients, who at this point know me and like me pretty well â€“ probably not a whit. Potential new clients? They may not get it, may be offended I’ll see clients in certain countries, or that I’ll â€œlowerâ€ myself to working in a brothel or on the street or out of a hotel bar. It’s a shame, but those are some of the prejudices I hope to confront, both in myself and the public at large. High-end all the time sounds nice, but I’m realizing it’s not me. I like to earn a living, but I’m not the most pretentious person and have not gone to the finest finishing schools. Sometimes it’s something I’d like to be able to claim. Most of the time I’m fine where I am.
Anyone who knows me personally probably realizes I’m quite full of quirks. And I’m becoming more comfortable in letting these quirks into Amanda. Amanda has always been me â€“ just a slightly more bubbly, more outgoing version. These little quirks coming to the surface humanizes Amanda, I think. And allows me to relax a little more into the persona. Why shouldn’t Amanda grow and change? I have. I’m also realizing that there are different versions of Amanda too. The service-oriented escort, the ready debater, the (rather disorganized) activist, the sometime-pundit and the blonde girl who is still horribly shy in groups she doesn’t know.
Last but certainly not least, I’ve started scouring my hooker/stripper library for recent information on working in Europe (as well as Asia). I re-read Dolores French’s Working. I first read it in 1999 and it changed my views of prostitution forever, as well as giving me a massive girl-crush on this witty, humane, adventurous woman. I don’t want to say that I’m following her footsteps, I’m not. I’ve arrived at my decisions on my own for my own reasons (which differ from the reasons she discusses in her book). But again and again, I find myself looking at her and drawing comparisons. I’m not her and cannot be her. Perhaps she is more of a role-model than I like to admit, perhaps her life molded me as much as that I Love Lucy episode molded her. Perhaps I just like knowing the possibilities. Or perhaps intelligent, adventurous women are drawn to the same things! I don’t owe her a debt. I’m still a fan though. We’re all originals in our way, just as we are all sisters too. Being accused of taking her life too literally isn’t a bad thing, it’s not an easy path to walk.