hints for clients

A few of the finer points of being a [good] client. These aren’t deal-breakers or anything blacklist-worthy, not by any stretch. It’s about those special little things, those bits where a man misses the mark. Not really something he can prepare for; though if he actually took care of himself head to toe like his companion does it would cease to be an issue. Since the specific men who inspired these examples probably aren’t going to see me again (I don’t hide annoyance well), I hope that their next companions have an easier time of it.

buying lingerie

This is an area where most men fail. The easy way not to fail: 1) buy her a giftcard to a store she likes (whether online or off) or 2) take her shopping. Whatever you do, do not make a big deal about asking her what her favorite lingerie brands are because when she lists Lise Charmel, Aubade and Agent Provacateur because that’s what she spends her own money on and you buy her items that look like they came from your local truck stop, she is not going to be happy or impressed or very thankful.

A girlfriend thought I was being too picky but when I showed her the questionable lingerie in question, she was aghast. Even hookers working the truck stop where he presumably saw these things wouldn’t want to wear them. About the only place where such tackiness is considered semi-normal is Asia because they have no taste in lingerie (a whole other post).

In all my time, only one man has had excellent taste in lingerie and arguably knows more about it than I do. One. If you’e not him, do one of the two things I mentioned in the second sentence of this section. I’ll happily buy something both pretty and flattering (which is the whole goal, isn’t it?). I guarantee it won’t look like it was hanging behind the cash register near the diesel pumps.

your skin

Every sex worker has one pet peeve about men’s unfortunate physical condition. This is a rich area to explore because men rarely take care of themselves. Some girls know their thing right off the bat but it was only recently that I finally figured out mine: skin. If you can power-sand a brick building by running the edge of your arm over it, you need to take care of your skin.

I have made enormous effort since my pre-teen years to keep my skin in top condition and the payoff is now. My skin is radiant and satin-smooth. The big secret? Other than regular exfoliation and moisturizing after every single shower of the last 25 years, I take care of myself. This means eating correctly and exercising. Groundbreaking science, I know.

Men used to go nuts petting me in strip clubs. After a couple minutes of frenzied rubbing by their rough hands, I’d pull away and tell them they’re rubbing the finish off (I was more worried about losing actual skin, but same difference). Clients have always enjoyed petting me. Both male and female friends throughout the years have petted me (on whatever bits of skin was exposed). I’m one of the most pettable escorts out there. Who wouldn’t enjoy the tactile fun? But it’s not a fair trade for me.

Men don’t take care of themselves and it shows by their 40s. It doesn’t get any better as they get older. There’s nothing unmanly about sticking to a skincare routine. My two lovers with the best skin were also men who ate right, exercised, and used sunscreen and moisturized. They were the two most secure men I’ve ever met.

Start off with a very light lotion, like Lubriderm original. Chances are your skin is so dry you’ll soak it up like a sponge. You can move onto heavier stuff, like unscented cocoa butter or Dove Cream Oil (my current favorite). Experiment with Eucerin or the Vaseline family of lotions. These are all mass market brands, so they’re inexpensive and easy to find. It’s really the very least you can do to take care of your body.

Use sunscreen. There are only five men on the planet who do and it serves them well. Of course, you’re probably way too late for it to make much difference now but it doesn’t hurt to try.

Hands get special mention because they’re much-abused parts on both genders. They get scraped, washed and dried numerous times, and touch all sorts of things that harm the skin. Such abuse shows if you don’t take constant counter-measures. Carry a hotel bottle of lotion with you and lotion your hands after you wash them. Every time. Slather on some nice lotion at night and rub until it’s all soaked in. It will make such a difference. Also, keep your fingernails clean, short, and non-jagged.

Why does it matter? Your hands touch me and my most sensitive areas (wash them with soap first, please). If I can see the scales of your skin without my glasses on, chances are I’m keeping my rose-petal pieces far away from those scratchy scales. If you have velvet hands and smooth fingertips, then the rose is far more likely to blossom.

And finally: weird skin growths. This is something that seems to afflict older men the worst and it comes from decades of non-skincare. This one is really easy to take care of. Weird things hanging off your body that aren’t organs and isn’t hair should be removed. If you have some sort of strange patch of abnormal skin, even if it’s completely begin, treat it so that it resolves back into your normal [dry] skin. Period. It’s unsightly, untouchable, and not the least bit erotic. There might be a woman out there with a weird-skin-condition fetish because anything is possible; I’m just betting you’ll never meet her.

I certainly don’t expect the skin of Western men to feel like mine. I’ll just be happy with skin whose features I don’t have to Google afterwards, wondering just what exactly that thing was and if I’m going to start looking like that. What a treat it is to be with a man whose skin is so unremarkable that I enjoy touching and exploring his body, instead of noting all the odd and off-putting things my fingers encounter along the way.

No doubt your wife will be wondering what’s up. Just tell her you’ve finally gotten a clue. She’ll know it was from another woman no matter what you say.

body hair

I like body hair because it’s masculine. What I hate is shaving it close because then it feels like a steel cactus rubbing against me. Since I don’t go out of my way to have sex with cacti (steel or organic), it’s not something I like. All-natural hair is softest. If you’re self-conscious about your body hair, use a trimmer on a long setting. Not nearly as horrible as a shave. But really, leave your body hair alone. (There are plenty of women who feel completely differently than I do, leading to confusion for men. Sorry about that.)

There is one thing all escorts I’ve met agree on: do a close shave before spending time with your companion. You love the baby-smooth softness of her perfumed cheek rubbing against you, so you rub your cheek against hers in sensuous return (or worse, against even more sensitive parts of her body). It’s not an equal trade. She probably thinks your cheek’s smoothness equals a steel wool scrubbing pad. If you’ve ever checked her bathroom counter, steel wool probably wasn’t included in her beauty regimen. FYI.

the secret of the washcloth

(Blessed is he who has uncovered the Secret of the Washcloth, for women shall appreciate him more deeply than those who clearly haven’t discovered the Secret.)

A washcloth is a very small square of fabric hanging near the shower. You use it when you’re showering; getting it wet and then rubbing it with the slippery white oblong thing also present in the shower. (Some men actually know what soap is, a lot don’t.) Then you use it to scrub anyplace that’s normally covered by clothing. If you cannot physically view those areas, you should check to make sure the washcloth comes away clean when you’re done scrubbing, otherwise go back and scrub more.

I’m not sure why men seem to think women are the ones for whom washcloths are needed. They were invented for cleaning the human body, which both men and woman have. I have no doubt that a woman invented the washcloth because women seem more vested in bodily cleanliness than the average man. However, everyone can be improved by learning to use one of these simple little reusable cleaning devices.

deodorant

Use it.

bathroom time

I’ve learned to lock bathroom doors with clients, even though I naively thought that since there are only two people in the room, one has disappeared and the bathroom door is closed that the conclusion would be obvious (especially if the shower is running). Apparently not.

If your companion goes to the bathroom, leave her in peace. Escorts do not have teleportation devices and it’s a closed room, she is not going anywhere. If you’re curious about what she’s doing in there, don’t be. Even for a woman, there are a limited number of bathroom activities to choose from. For the record, she is not masturbating, if she desires her own orgasm she’ll wait until she’s home and can proceed in peace.

Do not talk to her through the door: you’re not another woman. Do not knock on the door: you’re older than 3, right? Do not open the door: every woman has seen Psycho and her reaction to your unexpected entry into the bathroom will not be welcoming.

Remember that she isn’t your wife and hasn’t been married to you for decades. She may well live alone and be used to not having people walk in on her in the bathroom. Even if she’s married, leave her alone and allow her to retain a semblance of feminine mystery.

If she walks in on you in the bathroom (on purpose) all bets are off. I’m fairly sure few escorts do that.

clumsy lovers

There are so many things I could say, but in the spirit of this post, I’ll keep it short.

Turning on a highly-experienced woman and a 1970s era lawnmower is not the same thing.

Sex is not an Atari game.

Swallow your saliva at all times no matter what.

Women think it’s cute when dogs lick their face. That’s it. Only dogs. Not people.

A kiss includes lip action, closeness, sensuality, and a shared moment. Kissing is not simply sticking your tongue into someone else’s mouth, devoid of any other context.

Don’t expect her to love your favorite position (it’s your fave, not hers).

If you truly want her to enjoy sex with you, be open to her suggestions because she knows her body better than you.

Women don’t actually poke, prod or cause needless pain when touching themselves for pleasure. Nor should you if you’re touching her.

If you know you sweat heavily during sex, be a gentleman and keep a dry towel handy. Use as needed.

Romantically sighing into a woman’s face is not romantic.

If women were actually aroused by having air blown into their ears, they’d always be lined up at the free air pumps at gas stations.

If you’re consumed with making her body give you that all-important orgasm, not only will you ensure it doesn’t happen but it shows your lack of understanding if you think one orgasm is that satisfying.

Hair. Hair! You’re on my hair!

If it’s not going to happen for either one of you, instead of continuing to embarrass yourself, just have a good cuddle instead. If that cuddle turns into sweet pillow talk and maybe some laughs — so much the better.

A good time doesn’t always have to include bad sex.

Erectile problems are part of aging for men (especially if the man in question has spent his whole life not taking care of his body). Embrace it gracefully and know that your issue truly does not make a difference to your companion, how you handle it does. Sure, there are pills but those have their own side effects and issues. Time to learn what women have always known: separate ego from sex; intimacy does not always include sex; enjoyable sex does not always include orgasm; penetration is not the be-all, end-all for most women.

Genuine affection doesn’t have to include sex at all, but it makes it better when it happens.

That is, if the sex you have is truly mutual. If it’s really all about you, then ignore everything I’ve just said.

54 thoughts on “hints for clients

  1. ElisabethWhispers

    Oh, this post made me smile. Especially with regard to the skin issues that we see so much of.

    My pet peeve is humongous skin tags. At least if their small, and there are just a few, it’s easier to ignore.

    But I’ve always found it amazing that relatively well off men are able to spend a LOT of money to visit with me but when they lift up their arms, or pull down their pants ;), there are 50-100+ skin tags all over their body (of various sizes).

    I know that they’re not catching. And I develop them, too.

    But for the love of all that is holy, just TRY to go and get them removed. It doesn’t hurt that much.

    Great thoughts. But your posts usually are full of fantastic hints and interesting observations.

    And a bunch of us thank you for that!

    Sincerely,
    Elisabeth

  2. YLionel Williams

    Dear Ms. Brooks:
    I was just wondering with the exception of your regulars do you encounter issues with hygiene with respect to your clients on a regular basis? If so what subtle hints have you been giving them and do they pick up on your cues? Also for the ones who do pick up on them, do they notice that you performance improves in certain areas as well?

  3. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Elisabeth — That’s what I always wonder too: how much would one visit to a dermatologist really cost these guys? Not as much as a visit with me!

    No, skin tags aren’t catching but I have seen some strange skin-things that does make one think about wearing a Hazmat suit to bed. I’m not a doctor and unidentifiable bodily weirdness worries me.

    Glad you enjoyed this one!

  4. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Lionel — No, I usually don’t suffer through major hygiene issues, I really can’t complain. However many girls do complain a lot because they encounter very bad hygiene a LOT. A little awareness on the part of clients would go such a long way.

    I’ve never dropped any hygiene hints, subtle or not. I’m achingly polite about these things in real life, it’s how I was raised. But I certainly make notes (and blog later).

    Turning off a girl with your BO may or may not affect your sexual experience but it sure affects hers.

  5. Magdalene Hart

    Thank you for this! I can’t count how many times men have petted me, in wonder of my soft skin, and ask “how do you keep it so soft?” It’s fun to give them a mini skin care lesson, but I know it’ll never be taken to heart!

    I do drop subtle hints if a gentleman caller of mine is less than fresh. I’ll ask if he found the mouth wash, or if he’s game for a little sudsy fun time in the shower. But I’ve been told I’m a bit direct LOL

  6. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Magdalene — It amazes me how men have missed the very basic of skincare. Sigh.

    Telling anyone at anytime in any situation that they need to clean is a delicate matter. You sound tactful to me, but I’m guessing you’re “direct” simply because you mention it at all.

  7. Massuse

    Concerning erectile disfunction: Two helpful suggestions are that A) Vibrators are not just for women anymore, I have noticed some are designed for male anatomy as well, and some have a “flicking” snake tongue attachment that helps and B) Using unscented baby oil on your hands and gently caressing the entire groin area can be extremely pleasurable. Use light, sensual strokes and ask him to touch himself to show you what feels good as well.

    The most disgusting, horrifying thing I ever saw on a client’s skin was racist “supremist” double lightning bolt nazi tattoos scrawled everywhere. My son is half asian and I ignored my instict to ask client to leave. He came back for another session and I ignored that warning sign in my head and he left for the last time without paying for the massage.

  8. Greg

    This post is another reason I enjoy following you. I am probably like the average man when it comes to communication. I don’t do it enough and need to get better. You have validated many of the things I have learned through the years in my quest to be a better companion. I hope that all men that read this will understand that there is more than one person involved in love making. Understanding that the other person is an active participant and has needs and desire makes for a more enjoyable time for both.

  9. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Massuse — Did not realize they made vibrators for men, though I’m not sure how many of my clients would be up for that. Would make my life easier! :)

    I agree the tattoos are horrible. I’m glad the racists I’ve encountered have only been verbal. Your instincts about him were right on. You’re extremely tolerant to have seen him again.

    Greg — Thanks for the kind words! A lot of this is communication and a lot is just listening. Companions will go out of their way to make things pleasant for their clients, a little of that consideration reflected back to her really helps make it better.

  10. Pingback: That Was the Week That Was (#313) | The Honest Courtesan

  11. krulac

    Well Amanda – I’m afraid you and I wouldn’t be very compatible. I don’t have any “skin tags” but my skin has been “seasoned” by the elements my dear – NOT LOTIONS. Callouses? Oh yeah, I got ‘em on my hands and I’m real careful when I touch a girl with them.

    While reading this – I had to ask myself exactly what kind of man you enjoy being with? It seems a very effeminate one.

    Babe – I pick up heavy things and move them around and put them down. I open peanut butter jars and change the tire when it goes flat – and I usually do these things for … women. :)

    As far as the bathroom goes and escorts not “barging in” – not exactly true. First, I can’t count the number of times I’ve had an escort come in and playfully harrass me in the shower. It’s hot – you should try it because your clients would LOVE it!

    Also – when the door to the bathroom is shut I don’t go in for any reason. However, I can’t count the number of escorts and free women who will leave that door open and just pee without regard to where I am in the incall.

    I think you got a lot of points here wrong – and I think you were very condescending. See your “explanation” of what a washcloth is and tell me you don’t sound like a third grade teacher lecturing all the dirty boys in her class1

  12. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Krulac — Nothing on here speaks to an effeminate man. I know the men who do these things and they are far from metrosexuality. However, they also understand how to treat women and live in a world with women.

    No, I wouldn’t want my silky skin to get torn by your rough alligator scales. That’s not you being a manly man, that’s being someone who is not fun to have sex with.

    Judging by what other escorts have told me, I haven’t really gotten anything here wrong. You’re welcome to your opinions but as I stated at the top, these are finer points of being a good client. Not merely guidelines for being a client.

    Of course we wouldn’t get along. Except that you take the time to come to my blog to tell me so. Clearly you’re intrigued enough. I’m certainly not.

    PS: If adult men haven’t gotten the Secret of the Washcloth yet, then I am going to make fun of them.

    PPS: So I got it wrong about deodorant too?

  13. Serra Inara

    Amanda probably will lose a great deal of sleep knowing that you and she wouldn’t be very compatible. It’s amusing and ironic that you start your missive with that statement. Do you always announce yourself by stating the point that has already been stated by someone else thinking that if you say it with cliché chauvinistic condescension that you will somehow seem like you are saying something important or original?

    Your skin being “seasoned by the elements” well perhaps that is impressive when you shake your guy buddies hands as you can compare levels of macho, saying I’m tough because I have calloused hands from twisting nuts or whatever “seasons” you. And your guy buddies may be impressed with your macho I’ve been around posturing. But newsflash. Your guy buddies with their seasoned hands can’t feel the roughness of your skin. Women don’t tend to have “seasoned” hands or “seasoned body parts. Our skin is softer therefore “seasoned by the elements” just feels rough and hurts. It isn’t macho appeal, it isn’t sexy. It’s just like someone running sandpaper on your skin.

    You also act like having “seasoned” hands is a positive and that lotion takes away from your manhood as somehow a man who uses lotion must be effeminate. Actually a man that feels the need to have “seasoned” skin rather than using lotions comes off as insecure and needing some cliché proof of his manhood. A man secure in his masculinity dares to use lotion.

    That you pick up heavy things, open peanut butter jars, change tires, for women. Wow… That is certainly masculine and tough. Of course you miss the point that women have smaller bodies and less physical strength and that peanut butter jar seals and tires tend to be designed for the larger stronger male hand. Which proves nothing about your toughness. Just that you are larger than women and physically stronger by virtue of having a bigger body. Which isn’t exactly a surprise since the average man is larger than the average woman. But before you match toughness with a woman. Try childbirth.

    As for giving Amanda business advice on what’s hot. She likely has dealt with far more men in the referenced situation than you have. She’s the professional escort and you are a client. Therefore logic indicates she has seen every situation far more than a customer. Although you do come off as the know it all blow hard who thinks because he is a customer he knows how the business works.

    Although given how strongly you state knowing what men like in the shower I guess it’s possible I am underestimating your experience with men in the shower and what they like. I’m assuming you are straight by the hyper macho writing style. But if you have walked in on men, harassed them in the shower and know how hot it is more times than Amanda. If I am incorrectly assuming you are straight forgive me. No offense intended.

    If escorts peeing in the in-call without closing the door bothers you. The solution I would use in that situation would be to ask them to close the door. Seems more effective than counting the number of times and saving that thought for reference in a blog response.

    That you call Amanda condescending. “My dear”,,, “babe”,,,, Those certainly aren’t condescending terms. Especially how you used them. You certainly taught Amanda a lesson by demonstrating how to not be condescending.

    As an escort myself. More often than not, my experience is similar to Amanda. Men have no clue what the wash cloth is for. Or the bar of soap. Or that simply letting water drain between their feet in the shower doesn’t actually wash their feet. None of which is sexy or masculine. Just gross.

    Your guess of Amanda’s choice in men and believing she wants an effeminate one because she wants one that is clean and keeps his skin in shape. That is truly funny on more than one level. While clearly you don’t have a future as a profiler or opening a psychic reading booth at the state fair. Try stand up comedy. Because your guess as to what kind of man she is attracted to is truly funny.

  14. Serra Inara

    Oops typo. Hit enter too soon. The above sentence in paragraph two should have read

    “Your skin being “seasoned by the elements”….. Well perhaps that is impressive when you shake your guy buddies hands as you can compare levels of macho, using the I’m tough because I have calloused hands from twisting nuts or whatever “seasons” you method.”

  15. David

    Dear Amanda,

    1) Eucerin – I swear by it.
    2) You mean there isn’t a line of women at the free air pump?
    3) See what I mean aobut short hair – a guy will never be on top of it:)

    Cheers,

    David

  16. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Serra Inara — Well said. I’m dying laughing.

    David — 1) I bet your wife appreciates you and doesn’t think you’re competing with her for wearing the skirt in the household.

    2) No kidding.

    3) Very true! But not every woman can carry that look off, it takes great bone structure and a good stylist.

  17. Serra Inara

    Amanda. Glad you enjoyed.

    Personally as an escort I agree with what you said. A client who bathes with soap and uses the wash cloth, not mention deodorant is a very good thing. Perhaps even one who exfoliates his skin.

    The client with ED needs to accept reality. The ship has sailed. Not his fault. Not something he has to be ashamed of or something that makes him less of a man that he has ED. He only should be ashamed when he can’t recognize that ED has limited what he can do and trying to force the issue is an embarrassment to him and uncomfortable to the escort.

    Like you, I was taught to not walk in on anyone when they are in the bathroom. While some men may see that as “hot” others may see it as classless on the escort’s part. My feeling is if the client wants me to join him in the bathroom he’ll say that.

    Men amuse me with their sense that rough skin should somehow be appealing to women. If it were that appealing why aren’t they hiring a female escort with rough skin?

  18. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Serra — “Men amuse me with their sense that rough skin should somehow be appealing to women. If it were that appealing why aren’t they hiring a female escort with rough skin?”

    Indeed.

  19. Cecilia

    Well done! On behalf of women everywhere, thank you, Miss Brooks.

    You already know how I feel about rough heels and jagged nails but sometimes I still want to leap out of bed, grab my loofah and throw it at the client’s head. Seriously, have you not reached behind and FELT your own back skin once in your 60 years on earth? Do all those little clogged pores and bumpy, scaly things not seem out of place? Do they really feel like something you want to share with your silky smooth, polished, moisturized, powdery soft, sensual partner?

    Does it not occur to you for a second that anyone with a working sense of touch might be somewhat grossed out by that???

    And the kissing thing! OMG, I am so writing my own blog post about this now…something I’ve wanted to do for 3 years. You just gave me license. I adore you Amanda. :)

  20. Cecilia

    One more thing…the skin tags. To second the lovely Elisabeth Whispers, for the love of all that is holy, gentlemen, GET RID OF THEM. They really are as gross as you think they might be (and then some).

    The amount of time, effort and money we women regularly spend on our skin just plain demands better of the same from our clients. Period.

  21. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Cecilia — Thank you for the belly laugh this morning. The adoration is mutual.

    My favorite line:
    “Does it not occur to you for a second that anyone with a working sense of touch might be somewhat grossed out by that???”

    PS: When you’ve written your kissing post, feel feel to post a link here.

  22. Ramona

    Yeah, Your are truly right, men do not take care of their skin.
    And Secondly they really do not have sense in buying a lingerie for a girl.

  23. Charlotte

    This has to be one of the most fantastic things ever written. So hilarious, so accurate, so perfect. Please expand and put it into book form so I can give it to every man I ever meet. (If it’s a book, it seems like a gift. If I send them a link to this, well….they are going to take it VERY personally. As they well should, frankly.)

  24. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Charlotte — Thank you!! So glad you got a laugh from this.

    Not a book form, probably not ever. Not sure how you could send them a link without implicating yourself but it’s okay if they take it personally from me, given that I’ll likely never meet them. :)

  25. chris

    I just came across this site. I’ve enjoyed the quality and sincerity so far but the attitude displayed in this one from the women is crude at best. On the one hand you equate yourselves to other professionals, usually in the same categories as doctors and lawyers, but then on the other show a degree of contempt that a lawyer or doctor would never show for a client. A man doesn’t have to have silky rose skin because he is the one buying the service. If you find some guy gross, it seems like you have a responsibility to decline service because that attitude clouds everything.

  26. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Chris — Clearly, you’ve never heard a group of women talk amongst themselves. We’re quite restrained here, not crude. We save “crude” for non-public spaces.

    As someone who has talked to plenty of lawyers (and doctors), their attitudes towards clients they don’t care for is exactly the same as this, BTW. They just don’t publish it on a blog (or maybe some do).

    I clearly stated I don’t expect men’s skin to feel like mine. I do, however, PREFER a man who takes care of himself. You know why? Because he’s more sexually appealing than a man who doesn’t. Rocket science.

  27. Serra Inara

    Chris,

    You need to work on your self esteem, immaturity and focusing your worldview in reality.

    I have doctors and lawyers as clients. Doctors and lawyers occupy the high end of society. They have education, they have money, they have power, they have privilege. If you believe they don’t show a high degree of contempt for their patients/clients then you are living in a naive alternate universe. To put it mildly they think poorly of their clients/patient and aren’t shy about mocking them.

    About men that let their skin get scaly, gross, do nothing about growths on their body etc. That is called lack of respect. Lack of self respect and lack of respect for others. There is zero reason for a man who can afford the most basic hygiene products, soap, exfoliating scrubs, wash cloths, moisturizers etc to not use them other than lack of self respect and respect for others. There is such a thing as pride in appearance and men aren’t attractive just by virtue of being male. While one wouldn’t expect a client to be at the physical level of a female escort there is also such a thing as hygiene. And despite what men think… Moisturizer,exfoliating skin, trips to the dermatologist etc, are part of having a healthy self image. Why you would simply choose to neglect these and call it ok is indicative of arrogance and lack of self esteem.

    As for being a “paying client” and thus being able to be however you want to be. When I go to the hairdresser my hair is clean before I get there. If I go to the dentist I brush my teeth. If I get a massage I make sure I’m clean and not with dry skin. It’s called respecting the service provider and yourself.

    That you consider the posts here crude…… Grow a set. Women are subjected to crude remarks every day of our lives by men who discuss our bodies in negative and crude terms. If you are emotionally impacted to the level of “crude’ by what you find here try living in a woman’s world. Your self esteem would be sheered quickly by emotional evisceration.

    Time to put on your big boy pants and learn to have respect, self respect and find reasons to own your ego rather than posing as knowing something when clearly you are naive, live in a sheltered life and have an over abundant sense of self worth with a huge lack of self esteem.

  28. Chris

    Thanks for the candid responses. As a lawyer myself I can say that if attorneys in my firm harbored such disparaging attitudes towards our clients it would definitely cloud their ability to do their best work for our clients. That said, in the event a client is so repugnant to us, we don’t take the client on–that was my point.

    With respect to all the other comments about me personally, thanks for painting such a pretty picture. Since I never recognized how Neanderthal I am before, I will make sure to see a mental health counselor right away.

  29. Serra Inara

    Chris,

    Given that you are an attorney, wouldn’t it be more appropriate to argue your point on the basis of your position rather than a pouting, cliche ridden, victimy sarcasm?

    Amanda’s post was macro level about basic hygiene not a micro level discussion on skin and the precious feelings of clients who are unable to accept basic guidelines.

    There is nothing unreasonable about setting basic standards from clients as Amanda has offered here. Which she offered as suggestions not as disqualifications.

    You have missed the point of the post and the responses.

  30. Serra Inara

    Note to God.

    Please add Chris 3:16 to the bible.

    Everyone shall be accepted into heaven unless they are repugnant in which case they will be declined without judgment.

    Chris 3:17

    If one has already tithed and thus paid God for his services they may skip Chris 3:16 as it is incumbent upon all to accept anyone exactly how they are once they have paid.

  31. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Chris — It’s easy to claim you’re an attorney on here but we’ll pretend you are, and that you’re a rare light in that world and you treat every human you meet in an enlightened, more-tolerant-than-tolerant fashion, withholding any judgement based on their personal appearance or any action they take that you consider dumb. Good that you’re making the world a better place.

    Though I’m guessing since the skincare section hit such a nerve, you probably need to take better care of yourself.

    Serra — You made some excellent points, something a lot of people miss about this work. Women who start this work and suddenly start taking care of their bodies as never before, report heightened feelings of self-esteem and beauty. Not a bad side effect of learning to treat one’s fleshly temple as worthy of special treatment. Few men ever experience this because they’re not only told they don’t “need” to, but they’re discouraged from attempting self-care.

    The whole idea that “paying for it” means a client can dispense with hygiene and good manners is widespread, unfortunately. I have yet to meet a sex worker who appreciates this attitude.

    Most men who get all hurt and comment on this blog miss the point completely. Further attempts at clarification usually just confuse them.

  32. Chris

    Serra, Amanda,

    However hard to believe through your preconceptions, assumptions, and antagonism,I am a grounded person who takes care of myself on all levels, including exfoliating, manicures, and facials from time to time. I agree completely with you that having a healthy, clean, fit body is the doorway to better self-esteem and happiness. That’s why I am that way. Combine self-care with positive thought and a person’s relationship with everything changes for the better–and continues to grow better.

    That is my experience, at least. It is also the reason I came to this site, to learn other point of views and perspectives.

    Curiously enough, what put me solidly on the path of positive thought was a multi- year relationship with a woman who had been a lesbian before getting together with me. She was an open, health conscious, Goddess culture type woman in the image she presented to the world but underneath that she was filled with deep anger at patriarchy, and the evils in the world that men create. That translated into a slashing, speak your mind without concern for others approach (being in touch with your feelings and expressing them freely as she put it) that was so venomous that it was toxic. While she is still stuck in proving herself and blaming men for her troubles, I chose a different which is to build myself and others up rather than tear them down.

    I’ll continue reading your posts, Amanda, because they are well written, informative, sincere-so thanks for taking the time to share.

    All the best!

  33. Jeff

    Common sense isn’t common and that is a shame and a sin. Maybe the problem is so many guys are into the act itself that they lose sight of the necessity of preparing themselves to give a good performance.

    Cleanliness isn’t just next to Godliness. It is the default setting prior to any act of physical intimacy.

    Unless you’re a cocky bastard, most guys should have in the back of their mind, “I hope she likes me.” Patience, preparation and repeating the practice tends to enhance the likelihood of that happening. A great read, Amanda.

  34. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Jeff — I agree with everything except that sex is not a “performance.” Rather, it shouldn’t be viewed that way.

    I hate sex with men who “perform” and I hate having to “perform” when I’m having sex with a client. I prefer to just have sex, however it works out with that individual.

  35. Serra Inara

    I view it differently. While on occasion I have chemistry with a client that allows it to be a mutually shared experience. That is the exception not the norm in my experience.

    I laugh when clients feel they are “performing”. There is nothing a client will do that is new to me at this point. A client may feel he is performing but it is the same as the audience singing along to the music at rock concert. The performers are the performers. The audience is the audience. Totally different in my experience to put on a sexual performance as an adult entertainer than for a man who is a client thinking he is performing. If he fails he almost never knows or is consoled for it.
    But the expectation is always that the escort will deliver regardless of how she feels, how good the client is or isn’t, how attractive or non attractive he is.

    A client thinking he is the one performing anything makes me laugh.

  36. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Serra — You’re not the only escort who views sex with clients as a performance and nothing wrong with that. All sex workers have to find their comfort zones and individual approach.

    Though I agree that clients thinking they’re “performing” is not only ludicrous but I also wonder…why bother? I don’t feel the need to “perform” when I’m getting a massage, I’m paying for the pleasure of being attended to. Feeling some sort of performance pressure means I’ve wasted my money.

  37. econprof

    Hi Amanda,
    This blog post was a wake up call for me, thank you for taking the time to write about your experiences. As a 50 year old male who grew up in south Florida I can’t even count the number of times I have been severely sunburned. Well, as you can imagine, it has finally caught up with me. As a result of reading your “hints” about men not taking care of their skin, I made my first appointment ever with a dermatologist – one confirmed skin cancer removed and numerous pre-cancerous lesions frozen. You can now add me to the list of men that use sunscreen and moisturizer on a daily basis.

    Best regards and thanks again.

  38. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Econprof — WOW! I’m very glad you decided to take care of yourself, inside and out! You’re welcome.

    Something I failed to mention in this post is that taking care of yourself means better health, which is always much more important than surface appearance. Much more important, regardless of gender.

  39. Miss Margo

    “She was an open, health conscious, Goddess culture type woman in the image she presented to the world but underneath that she was filled with deep anger at patriarchy, and the evils in the world that men create.”

    God forbid a woman would be angry at the patriarchy. Patriarchy has always been a friend to women and children. What’s not to love?

    And how could anyone be angry at the “evils in the world”? Having compassion and a sense of social justice is so lame!

  40. Jim

    Men don’t take care of themselves and it shows by their 40s. It doesn’t get any better as they get older. There’s nothing unmanly about sticking to a skincare routine. My two lovers with the best skin were also men who ate right, exercised, and used sunscreen and moisturized. They were the two most secure men I’ve ever met.

    Start off with a very light lotion, like Lubriderm original. Chances are your skin is so dry you’ll soak it up like a sponge. You can move onto heavier stuff, like unscented cocoa butter or Dove Cream Oil (my current favorite). Experiment with Eucerin or the Vaseline family of lotions. These are all mass market brands, so they’re inexpensive and easy to find. It’s really the very least you can do to take care of your body.

    Thank you for this. I’m 59, and after I first read it, I was inspired to take a good look at my hands and forearms, and they were pretty unsatisfactory. So I sort of at least took part of your advice. I can’t claim to use a moisturizer every time I wash my hands (that’s harder for men to do, I think, because we don’t carry purses and a bottle of lotion doesn’t work well in the pants pocket). But I do use it nearly every time when I’m at home, and it does make quite the difference. I’ve used both the Eucerin and the Lubriderm a fair amount, and I think I’m settling on the latter. I was just thinking about this today, with nasty winter weather having set in. In past years, in this sort of weather, the skin on my knuckles would have started to crack open and bleed. Now — no cracks, and they even look and feel pretty much all right. Big difference!

    Even apart from keeping some skin that doesn’t turn women’s stomachs (which is the overriding concern!), it’s really much more pleasant to have all of one’s skin in one piece. Thanks for both the motivation and the advice.

  41. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Jim — Cracked and bleeding knuckles??!! How could you tolerate that?

    You may have to go with a thicker lotion for winter or wear gloves more often as well. I sincerely hope you’re spared the pain of it this year. Apart from the beauty-advice aspect of using lotion, I cannot imagine living life with cracked, bleeding skin if I can help it. Why have you spent years willing to tolerate what had to be a painful few months every year?

  42. Jim

    Why have you spent years willing to tolerate what had to be a painful few months every year?

    Good question. I guess it’s partly not knowing what to do about it, and partly that it’s not like the knuckles would bleed continuously all winter. It was an on-and-off kind of thing. And when I did notice them bleeding, it wasn’t usually at a time when I could’ve put something (usually a triple-antibiotic ointment to try and heal them up) on them anyway. Also, it’s kind of a matter of what you get used to. I’m in the process of getting used to something much better.

    But while you’re “here,” I wonder if I might ask about a couple of other things. All I’ve been using moisturizer on is hands and arms, up to and including the elbows. I don’t really notice a dry, rough, or cracked-skin condition elsewhere on me, although that may be because my standards for recognizing bad skin are probably, well, pretty bad. Now, I’m not asking what you do, because you’re at the opposite end of the skin-quality spectrum from me, and I’m never going to play in your league — nor do I need to, really. But my question is: what sort of care, apart from the usual shower, would a somewhat-evolved man take of the remainder of his skin? Also, I looked up “exfoliation,” and I’m still not clear on whether I can claim to be doing that or not. What I do is to soap up a fairly coarse-woven washcloth and scrub myself everywhere, pretty aggressively. Can I say I’m exfoliating, or does that mean something different?

    Thanks in advance for any clues you can give me. They won’t go to waste.

  43. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Jim — Get used to something better! I certainly hope so. There’s only one kind of self-abuse I approve of (though if you go blind, I’m not responsible).

    Just the fact that you shower means your skin will be somewhat dry. Water is extremely hydrating for us on the inside, very drying for our outside. The act of moisture evaporating off our skin is what causes dryness. Lotions lock in that moisture.

    Try a very light lotion and see if that makes a difference in your skin texture and if it’s something you can tolerate. Body hair can get in the way of lotions and may absorb your lotion. I don’t know what to do about that, but I’m sure if you Google, other men have figured it out. I have started using some of the body products by Paula’s Choice and feel they perform exactly as advertised. (Her products are fairly unisex as she treats skin issues, as opposed to marketing to a demographic. I like her pragmatic approach to skincare.)

    Use sunscreen on any exposed bits. There have been studies that claim using sunscreen can even reverse some sun damage — it certainly prevents more.

    You do exfoliate! This is great. But you need to add moisture for sure.

    I don’t know what effects good, healthy skin has for men, but I do know that it helps my clothing feel better on me and prevents all sorts of unsightly problems. And…having dry skin is painful (and in my case, I get itchy). Who wants that?

  44. Jim

    Thanks very much — I’ll do it. Just one more practical question and then, really, I’ll quit tugging at your sleeve. How does a person, unassisted, put lotion — or anything — on his or her back? I can reach my upper back from above, and my lower back from below, but I can’t reach the territory in between. (I can scrub it all easily by stretching out the washcloth.) Maybe one uses some kind of sponge or pad on a stick?

    Again, thank you for your kindness and patience.

  45. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Jim — I have seen sticks with pads made to put lotion on your back but most of us just learn to stretch and flex. Do it enough and you’ll get more flexible than you thought! The only spot I can’t get with my palm is right in the center of my back (above where my bra hook is). I just live with it. :)

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