The inspiration for this post is at the bottom.

In a roundabout way, I found out that this post over at Tits and Sass had mortally offended a client. No need to be offended, one can’t spend large amounts of close, personal time with another person without indulging in some (or all) of these activities. These things are what normal people normally do in relationships — only they aren’t compressed into a day or weekend or whatever.

It did get me thinking of more time-wasting activities for escorts who need a little mental/emotional alone-time during extended bookings (men: think of it as care and feeding for her soul, not as time away from you). So here are my suggestions.

outdoor activities

It helps if you already like the outdoors.

Fishing: Many men love it, it can last the entire day and staring in silence at the water or napping are considered part of it. For added quality time, slip the bait off your hook when no one’s looking. You don’t actually want to catch anything because then you have to do stuff with it.

Hiking: Ideal if you’re in great shape and he’s not. Push ahead and keep the pace rigorous enough so that he can’t talk, but not so hard that he passes out or has a heart attack. (While death would be the ultimate time-wasting activity, all the questions and stuff that goes along with it would probably spoil the entire appointment. Going to the hospital also counts as a prime time-wasting activity, but again, probably not how you envision spending your time. Though you can get major bonus points for holding his hand and sleeping in the uncomfortable visitor’s chair.)

Bird-watching (in a blind): This may require getting up extremely early or enduring a lot of heat in a small, enclosed space. However, silence is essential. It lasts for hours.

Horseback riding: He can’t talk when he’s not beside you. Horses don’t like loud noises so they won’t tolerate a yelled conversation either.

Swimming: Also works best if you’re a strong swimmer and he’s not. A wide-open space, like the ocean, is better than a small hotel pool. It helps you concentrate on your own swimming if lifeguards are on duty. Surfing would also qualify.

Running: The inspiration for this post (see below). Again, works best if you’re a stronger runner than him. Helps if one of you gets lost.

indoor activities

Not everyone wants to be outside.

Drinking/darts/pool/bar games: While this doesn’t give you alone-time, it does waste time in a most excellent and fun way. Plus, it’s even more fun if you always win!

Surfing the Internet with a dialup connection: He will eventually drift away in boredom while waiting for that YouTube video to load. You’ll get a few minutes of alone time.

Video games: Guys of all ages totally get into games. You’re connecting with him and spending time with him, but in a mindless way that requires very little out of you. Could last all day and all night if you get a truly competitive client (and your eyes can stay open). Bonus points if you routinely win. Try not to pick a game where you end up shooting him a lot — he might read more into that than is necessary.

Bikram yoga: Only if you’re experienced and he’s not. You will get the class to yourself, though you will likely have to listen to conversation about “how hot it was” for a while after.

Religious functions: This might be more than a little creepy to some but you get to enjoy a few hours of silence. Bonus points if you drag him to a house of worship that is sex-segregated.

what happened

I was invited to spend some time at the beach. As a landlocked barefoot runner, I was excited at the thought of bouncing out of bed to greet the sunrise on the sand. Not something I get to do very often, to say the least.

He was aware of my plans. First morning, I woke up on time (helped that our bedroom faced east and all the windows were open), put on the my running clothes and left. He was awake and stirring around. I ran up the beach, too hard, and wore myself out (I was running with a 30mph wind). Turned around and was heading back when I saw he’d walked up the beach to join me. We walked and talked a little. When we were roughly a half-mile from the house, I was itchy. I told him I’d see how far I could get and took off — into the gale-force wind blowing flat against me. Happily, I made it to the house in good time and still had gas in the tank. I walked up the beach to the house and saw him maybe a 100yards up the beach from the house. I headed in, thirsty, hungry and sandy.

After taking care of my needs, I sat at the kitchen counter, reading a book and waiting. And waiting. After 30 minutes, I made myself oatmeal. After an hour I took my shower. He came in just as I was finished and was wandering around the house, considering what to do with my day.

I thought he was taken with shell-collecting or something. It turns out he didn’t see me go into the house, had completely misinterpreted what I’d said when I took off and had gone to the end of the beach and back trying to find me. He thought I’d gotten offended by a remark he’d made that morning. It didn’t help that a girl who looked and was dressed like me was on the beach and every time he got close enough to really see her, she’d take off in the opposite direction. (I never thought about hiring a decoy! Bonus points!) He was worried I got kidnapped. He was concerned I’d gotten lost (I was convinced he’d gotten lost). He finally came back to the house to get his phone and start making phone calls, concerned that he didn’t have any emergency contact info for me.

First time anything like this has ever happened to me. I told him that since he was a lawyer, he was over-complicating a simple thing. The house held all my stuff, the food, the booze and the toilets. Plus, I was barefoot. Where else would I have gone? Still, it gave me about two good hours to myself to read and relax. Later, he told me about the Tits and Sass posting and how he’d taken offense when he’d read it a little while ago; yet was chagrined to admit he’d managed to find a way to waste even more time than I ever could. It is amusing to both of us, to say the least.

After that I ran alone and he was at the house when I got back. No more wasted time.

I’ve shared this with his permission.

13 thoughts on “time-wasting activities

  1. Hahaha I love it…..

    I hope when you got back each morning there was breakfast waiting for you 🙂

    There is one great time waster that you could add to this list.

    Nature Photography. Twice a day and can last many hours walking into a location waiting for the sun or be as simple as driving to a nice spot and unpacking. You could even talk this into a whole day affair and arrange picnic’s and the likes. Works really well with camp chairs and chilled champagne and if there is a lot of nature round little to no conversation. You could simply sit back relax read a book and enjoy the surrounds.

    Hope you enjoyed your run 🙂

    Happy time wasting everyone. May it be a joyous way to spend time together.

  2. Everyone needs a break from work now and then especially if you are working 3 days straight. My favorite escape is going to the bathroom (or as I call it, my other office). It’s the only place there is peace and quiet. I’m thinking about moving a sofa in there for naps:)

    Breakfast had better be ready when you get back from a run. Any guy who doesn’t cook (or provide) breakfast doesn’t deserve a second night! I’m married many years now and I always have breakfast ready for my wife.

  3. Enjoyed reading the post. Everyone needs these wasted time moments. For my mental health refreshers I normally “run errands” to drive around and have some time to myself.

  4. David — You’ve seen women’s bathrooms in public places, right? We already have couches in there!

    Ha! I agree: breakfast MUST be ready after a run. Sometimes it’s shower first, mostly it’s eat first.

    Greg — You and I differ. A little road-rage in the middle of my day NEVER benefits me. Or maybe we just have different driving styles. 😉

  5. Funny post! These time wasting activities are exactly what happens in any normal relationship. There are useful ones that recharge, like gardening. My wife loves it, and it gives her some alone time.

  6. David — You do deserve a couch in your own bathroom!!

    Michael — My point exactly.

    Nah, we’re not an old married couple, I’m just laid-back and realistic.

  7. David — A bathroom large enough for a couch is usually a nice bathroom!

    Lee — You’re welcome! The look-alike was quite the added bonus but totally true.

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