There isn’t a lot of hating on my blog; I don’t get the traffic to draw the haters or I scare them off or something. Or else the bulk of their comments get auto-moderated (I have set my spam filter with some key words for a reason). But then someone posts something completely innocent online and here come the haters.

Specifically, I’m referring to Tracy Quan’s light and engaging piece on talking to a call girl. You can sure disagree with what she says. Or you can think it’s a fluff-piece. Or you think it’s a brilliant little butterfly of a post. Whatever you fancy. Then you scroll down and find the hater comments all out of proportion to her piece.

Apparently, they’re not aware of the irony that they are talking to a call girl by responding to an article she wrote. I see the same things over and over again at a number of places online. So I decided to offer some suggestions and thoughts for the haters to consider.

1) If you don’t think sex workers are worth talking to, do not share your opinions on their blogs, comments, Facebook groups or any other media created by sex workers. By directly responding to them, you are engaging them in a dialogue (assuming they bother to respond).

2) If you insist on communicating, do your best to make cogent arguments for what you write. Try not to sound as though you haven’t gotten laid in the last 20 years and hate all women for telling you “no.” (If you’re female and haven’t gotten laid in the last 20 years, try not to act jealous of the women who are getting some.)

3) Don’t pull stats out of your ass. Sex workers are usually smart and usually have plenty of their own stats to fire back at you. We know when you’re making it up.

4) Feel free to start your own website/blog. Some sex workers will engage you. Most won’t bother. Feel free to base your feelings of self-worth on that. In fact, I insist you do.

5) Pretending to be a sex worker only works for so long. Eventually your hate will come out.

6) A lot of haters are women, which means you have even more issues than male haters.

7) Understand that hating women for having sex greatly lessens the chance that any woman at all will want to have sex with you. Ever. Your hate will eventually come out even with the “good” women. (If you are a female hater, chances are your hating spills into self-loathing and we all know how often self-loathing people get laid.)

8. If you channeled all that hate-energy into doing something else, you could achieve something with your life. Or maybe not. [shrug]

9) Though most of us react to you online with harsh words, in real life it’s a lot of fun to blow kisses at you and lift our skirts and watch you run away screaming.

10) Understand that someone you know, possibly more than one person, is a sex worker (we’re worldwide, baby!). Or maybe you already know that — hence, your issues.

11) Repeating and/or believing stupid myths and unfounded stats about sex workers is hating too. You’re certainly not helping us.

12) Hating on a sex worker because she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend or you don’t like what she said about another sex worker is a stupid waste of energy. How about you channel that energy into fighting real issues (take your pick) instead of stomping on someone society hates on anyway?

13) Get bent.

48 thoughts on “words for he-man hooker-haters

  1. I definitely see, in strident and insulting internet comments, the mark of trolls who are either taking out a lot of frustration on some unsuspecting blogger, or hijacking a discussion that they haven’t even followed to shock people into looking elsewhere (“you sinners will burn in hell!”). The internet’s morals patrol?

    I know I’ve often taken part in dialogues for the benefit of the readership rather than the actual poster. It’s rare to make someone change their mind, but when they use their platform to disinform (like a provider who repeatedly calls full service escorts dirty or “skanky”, for example), I’m compelled to leave a counterpoint out there for the posterity if no one does.

    But the haters that this light piece made crawl out of under their rocks were likely trolls looking for a fight, or rather a target for their venom.

    The “less than human” argument showed its ugly face when someone posted: “Why would you care if you offended a hooker? Actually, if you knew a specific person was a hooker, why would you even bother talking to them? They are disgusting.”
    That reminds me of the “NHI” (no human involved) police attitude mentioned by Norma Jean Almodovar (I did follow your advice and checked out her fascinating work and life, BTW). And I don’t care who you are, there’s no high ground to stand on when one spews a hatred of that nature – it’s instant discreditation in the eyes of anyone with half a brain.

    As a teen, my mom was in the French Resistance and ended up hiding in a brothel for a while. She always told me that the women she met there were the most honest and courageous that she ever met. I’ve met a few (understatement of the year!) providers myself since and have no respect for those who deem them not worthy of theirs.
    As you said, Amanda, the hate says a lot more about the hater than about sex workers.

  2. In my experience, the only haters I have encountered are other female sex workers and their followers from sex message boards.

  3. The comments on articles are usually more entertaining than the articles themselves. And as they are “written in stone”, so to speak, one gets to go over them as many times as one wants. Which means every single error is a potential quoted source of ridicule. People who “hate”, for the sake of it, are not generally the smartest people around but can be the funniest if one gets them to bite…

  4. I’m guilty of scrolling to the comments first, sometimes. As Jason says, they’re often more entertaining than the main piece.

    Although it must be said, I did read your article before the comments. I used to moderate the comments on my blog, but as a domina, I don’t get the haters that escorts may get, although there’s certain the scope for it with the wives of husbands who seek me out.

  5. I do not understand how anyone could be a “hooker-hater”. The opposite of love is not hate – the opposite of love is indifference. Therefore, if anyone “hates” escorts, prostitues, exotic dancers, strippers, sex workers, etc., etc., then that person has some serious issues and/or agenda that should be scrutinized. The more legitimate action would be to just ignore them, their ads/websites or places of business. It is simple as that! Hate is a negative emotion that wastes too much energy and accomplishes nothing. If there is something or someone that you do not want to be associated with – either “get over it, get around it or get gone”. Expressed another way; “GET A LIFE”.

  6. Hobbyist,

    So well said! I’m VERY glad you’re reading up on Norma Jean — isn’t she great? Though I would like to meet you someday, you may have to drag your mom along too (I know how weird THAT sounds!).

    Most haters do have a conflicting need for attention from hookers (i.e. the targets of their hate). What a tangled mess of issues they are! Just like the sex workers who believe the hierarchy.

    Maggie — The haters probably cannot process your intelligent posts.

    Crash — Thanks!

    Sarah — While that’s common too, maybe in the States we get more male haters? Trust me, they’re out there!

    Jason — It’s a good point, though too many haters can get draining if you’re the target.

    Laudanum — Glad you read my post first! Most of my commenters here are regulars and often the comments are part of a longer conversation. So I’m not sure how entertaining they always are to casual passerby. Anyway…it does seem true that women who have sex get a whole different level of hate than women who entertain in other ways. Very, very sad and stupid. (Reading your blog!)

    Larry — That was kind of my point, right? The haters have massive issues and can’t wait to share them with us. Those who don’t care, don’t care and we never know about them because they don’t care.

    Though in the political sense, the indifference hurts us. That’s a whole other topic though. The rabid, spewing haters are their own special group. Unfortunately it’s not a small group.

    XX

  7. A thousand times yes! Though I have to say, comments like that are exactly why I stop reading comment sections on anything to do with sex work on mainstream sites. It’s just… It’s a mental health thing. On the one hand, I think that I am passing up the chance to educate if I don’t respond. On the other more accurate hand, I’m like, fuck it. Some people are very comfortable in their (what I like to call) “malicious stupidity” and there is absolutely nothing that I or anyone else can say that will change their minds.

    I haven’t attracted haters, but I think my blog is not well-known… so that’s good? According to the metrics, outside of the US, Canada or the UK, most of my readers come from Saudi Arabia (last I checked). Hmm. Okay. Interesting.

    @Hobbyist: Your mother’s experience sounds fascinating! She should write about that. It’d make a fantastic story. Also this: “And I don’t care who you are, there’s no high ground to stand on when one spews a hatred of that nature – it’s instant discreditation in the eyes of anyone with half a brain.” I completely agree, unfortunately, our society increasingly takes the exact opposite approach, especially concerning sex. *le sigh*

  8. Amanda and Aspasia… thank you so much for the kind words! My mom unfortunately passed away years ago, but I have no doubt that she would’ve loved to meet you.

    I agree with those who said that there’s always going to be haters, that they’re mostly ignorant and messed up, and that they should be ignored as a general rule.
    But blows and insults do get to you, and there always comes a time when you have to fight back, especially for somebody else. Too many people struggle with self-esteem issues to let jerks get away with their damaging rethoric. And whenever someone counters stupidity and hatred with articulate and sensible arguments, they take a bit of the world back from darkness.

    I suspect that one reason why some bloggers get few hate-filled comments is that being intelligent makes you a harder target. Haters are just looking to shock and hurt with cowardly drive-by posts, not to be forced to defend their indefensible positions. Shine a light on a roach and it’ll scurry away…

    And Norma Jean IS an amazing person! I don’t know why she wasn’t on my radar and I thank you for pointing her out to me, Amanda.

  9. If you respond to the haters you just fuel their hate. I honestly don’t think you will ever change their opinion or view. Many times you can’t even get them to agree to disagree…their just mean.

    The blog haters are the oddest…I write a blog about my sex life…why are you reading it if you disagree with me so much…I agree with the statement that the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. Very insightful point.

    The piece on how to talk to a call girl is very interesting…I admit I’ve asked some of those questions…not intending to be rude, just out of curiosity.

  10. I dont understand the
    Hater thing. If you dosagree with something have an intellectual discussion without the need for being nasty. An exception may be if the other person is embracing hurting another in some form. But if you dont like someones position on aan issue, theres no need for you to have to deal with them.

    Now as far as tracy quams article, intellectually i can understand why people mighy be put off by being asked some of those questions, but i also think that some people (myself included) are not trying to be offensive, and are just curious. Now i am not excusing that it can be insensitive to ask, but it may also be a way that some use to try and bond, or just understand.

    It is a diffferent type of work & lifestyle, and the kind that some people just don’t have much experience with and are trying to understand. I know ibe asked things that may be a bit over the top, but it wasnt because i was trying to be insensitive (alrhough i might have been in reyrospect), but becauase i was interested in the person themselves. And yes, partially because it’s a profession/lifestyle i really don’t know much about.

    The road to hell is paved with good intentions fits i guess.

  11. Aspasia — Attracting Middle Eastern readers? I’m amazed!

    Hobbyist — Sorry to hear that your mother is gone. She sounds so incredible, though it also sounds like you appreciated her too.

    It is true that intelligent arguments usually lead to less hating and it is true that at some point, you can’t stay silent.

    Kenny — While I usually ignore haters, it can be very hard to do so. Especially if they influence others’ belief but mostly because it’s very personal. People who think like they do influence my life and the lives of my friends, I can’t pretend those beliefs don’t. Otherwise, activism would be a whole different thing.

    It does also depend on the situation and what was being said too. It’s not about changing the mind of a hater, it’s usually just defending one’s self.

    Ant — Hating is VERY different from a disagreement. None of us have problems with disagreements. A lot of haters sure have a problem with sticking to mere disagreement, though!

    Her article wasn’t about haters, it was the haters commenting that struck me. Though if her article did a little educating for clients, then it’s all to the good!

    I do realize that people ask the questions she listed very innocently and on a one-on-one basis. But after having the same questions and conversations asked a thousand times, it does get a little bit old (and incredibly boring). Not everyone wants to be The Educator.

    XX

  12. Maggie — 😀

    Ant — That was GREAT!!! (Bookmarked and will watch on a regular basis now.)

    Everyone, go watch this video! This girl is terrific. I want to hire her to read some hooker-hater comments in her lovely accent.

    XX

  13. If people would just follow one rule about posts everything would be fine: “If you can’t say something nice, shut up!”

  14. I have to disagree with David here, although I tend to have this attitude in life.

    When someone posts irresponsible advice or concepts online and invites comments, I think it’s OK to present another view. Not so much to change their mind (usually futile), but to help casual readers see that things aren’t one-sided.

    What we call hating (trolling for argument’s sake or insulting) is never OK, of course. But I’ve come on some boards or blogs before to just say, “hey, that’s wrong and here’s why”.
    Often, the blogger, site owner, or their fans will try to run you off by saying that you don’t have to read, but I don’t think it’s fair – we’re not talking about a private conversation.

    As long as everybody behaves as an adult, disagreements can be more constructive than blind love-fests. As a matter of fact, I think that the fawning and adoring atmosphere of some sites (not talking about this blog!) may actually attract trolls. People having a reasoned and informed dialogue are probably not that interesting, and may be even intimidating to them… while crashing a party of sycophants is irresistible.

  15. David — Yes!

    Hobbyist — A disagreement isn’t breaking the “if you can’t say anything nice” rule. Haters are not those who merely disagree with sex workers (though they are always disagreeable anyway). I don’t have a problem with agreeing to disagree and a good discussion of points will possibly lead to new information. Hating is so very, very different.

    Guess that was your point though. 🙂

    Ant — HA! I’ve watched several of her videos now. I think she’s hilarious. Thanks so much for pointing out this funny young lady.

    XX

  16. Wow’s the word. Never mind the Middle East, it’s scary to find people still living in the Dark Ages in our own midst. “The whore”, “the harlots”? Who says that?!

    I didn’t want to spend too much time on the site (the endless Bible quotes were getting to me), but I’m confused about the message.
    They quote Jack The Ripper, a fictional character, as going after “whores”, and follow that with: “Evil Pursues Sinners” – Proverbs 13.
    Are they advocating violence or trying to scare women out of sex work? You can’t on the one hand paint them as victims (murder, rape, substance abuse, suicide), and on the other demonize them and claim that they have it coming.

    I tend to buy Shakespeare’s take in Hamlet that “if we all got what we deserved, who would be spared the whip?” (paraphrasing)

    Was Jack The Ripper doing God’s work? Listen to Morgan Freeman’s character tear down the serial killer’s (Kevin Spacey) delusions in the movie Se7en for a clue. People think and do the evil that they are and want, and then justify it post facto, using grand texts if necessary. Doesn’t make them any less fucked up.

    Call me naive, but all that time I thought that God was love and forgiveness, that we shouldn’t “cast the first stone”, and that Jesus was, um, quite chummy with a certain Mary Magdalene.
    But God’s name was also used to burn and torture witches (ah, those evil redheads!) and more recently cut people’s heads off with dull knives for the internet.
    Meet you ALL in hell soon, fanatics!

    These folks are demented. I’m getting a massage to forget what kinda world I live in…

  17. Hobbyist,

    I’ve been saying (for the past few years) that there is very little difference between radical Muslims and radical Christians. If given the choice, radical Christians would probably back the burqa too.

    Anyway, yes, this is a disturbed person. They have many, many conflicting issues, which shines through in their logic. Celebrating people like Jack the Ripper is sick. You’re right, Morgan Freeman’s speech was a good one (he gets good lines in every movie, doesn’t he?).

    If that person wants to talk about whores in the Bible, they left out several key women who were doing God’s work AND making their own living too. I found that omission startling. Maybe they should read the ENTIRE Bible before spouting off. (Ned Flanders “I do everything the Bible says; even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!”)

    We could go on about this, but I’ll leave that to others. Enjoy your massage! 😉

    XX

    PS: On an unrelated note, never ask me for a massage. Massage is NOT what I’m good at doing. Trust me on this one.

  18. Just as an attorney is selling you his/her knowledge of legal issues, you as an escort, are selling your knowledge of and experience in eroticism as well as physical, intellectual, and emotional pleasure and if there is a connection, other than the obvious one, between the parties involved, it can be something that can last an hour, a day, a week or even longer. Knowledge brings about power and power brings about wealth.

    BTW; “Evil is never done with more zeal and fervor than when done in the name of God”.

  19. Morgan Freeman could make a soap commercial sound profound… (I had Thai – sometimes a massage is just a massage! 🙂 I don’t ask escorts for massages and often tell them to just relax when they offer.)

  20. Ant — No, I’m not. Trust me on this one.

    Larry — Great response! I’m going to use that. And yes, the name of God is used for all sorts of horrible things, which tends to put people off religion completely.

    Odd thought: I don’t think there is anything that puts people off of sex workers, not really.

    Hobbyist — Indeed, he can. He’s doing this TV show on space that I want to see just because he’s narrating.

    Ha! I run into the massage requests a lot in Asia, which confounds me. I’d just rather skip the massage and go to the Happy part.

    XX

  21. Massage=foreplay for some of us, especially when done right. And if you don’t believe it, i am willing to demonstrate it to you! 😉 😛

  22. That’s very true, ant, massages can be an incredible turn-on. Often, they’re also a means to test the waters with a provider, though. So if I already know what she does, I personally prefer going to the “real” foreplay and stick to massages for relaxation and therapy. Because a good massage takes too much of a time I prefer to spend otherwise!

  23. Ant — A truly good massage puts me to sleep. So I don’t consider it foreplay (and I do warn men about this). And I really don’t do ANYTHING for a partner in giving a massage. I have no technique.

    Though I agree that for many people, the sensuous touch of a massage can be a huge turn-on.

    XX

  24. Is whoredoms even a word? It just doesn’t feel like correct English. I have to admit, that site directed me to a whole host of providers I would never have known about otherwise… which was probably not their intent. Ah, the crazies:)

  25. Hannah,

    I don’t know if whoredom is a word. Maybe not quite recognized by Oxford English.

    That site’s great, isn’t it? Nothing like a crazy person to really crawl into the detail of something. I love reading Christian groups reports on online porn for the same reasons.

    XX

  26. Hi Amanda, I have not encountered too many haters in my first year of being a massuse. I had a great “gotcha” moment once during an unusual, heated email exchange where someone contacted me and called me “a nasty old whore” and I told him he must be pretty hard up because the only woman who would agree to see him was a nasty old whore like me! He tried to contact me months later for services and I shocked him by knowing exactly who he was and delivering a total knockout punch with my excellent record keeping of my contacts recorded, and declining his request!

  27. W Massuse — I’m dying laughing! Love it! I hope you always feel strong enough to just hand it back to them!

    One of the great mysteries of the world (to me) continues to be men who deride “loose” women. That makes as much sense as me dissing a Mexican restaurant because it serves free chips/salsa (not that I would ever be so insane).

    XX

  28. Easy and fast women? Hell, yeah! 🙂 You’d think that guys would appreciate the break, huh? Well, we do, but you always have those haters that actually hate themselves and project their own shame (for being “weak”) on you. Conflicted losers.

    Good on you ladies for slamming them and rubbing their faces in their hypocrisy. The guy came back for seconds hoping that WM wouldn’t remember him… unless he was after a dirty exchange to get off. Priceless. What a freak.

  29. I noticed you have the hate under control,way to roll!

    I personaly wouldn’t respond,it’s to draining to take on THEIR stuff,since I don’t react to it on the net, I only had one real life hater which is kind of a funny story.Here goes

    A couple of years ago. I had a wife harass me,her husband gave her my phone number to call me and he even called me telling me “We’ve been found out,will you talk to my wife”? LMAO I’m not kidding! I hung up and told him he had the wrong number. I recieved about two lengthy calls one from her and one from what I guess was their young daughter(very sick) the wife was blathering into my machine how ashamed I should be of myself and how her daughter went to college to make money(I got my bachelor of fine arts from a big University 15 years ago)and her husband was a really nice guy and how dare I do that to him.(He invited me over and called me)

    This is the creepy part. She was making him go to his dead mothers grave site and tell her what he did with me. The first image I got in my mind was Norman Bates and his mother in Psyco.She contined to sarcasticly thank me for ruining her 30 year marriage,after listening to this horrible battle ax drone on and on I undertood why he seeked out something soft and feminine.She sounded like a miltant,dried up frigid bitter hag,then she tells her teen(it sounded like she was no more than 14)daughter to call me,calling me all sorts of names and talking about what I did to her father.Thes message was the full time on my voice mail and the mother was yelling in the background coaching her,talk about Jerry Springer mentalities,and they want to call us crude? What a weird bizarre,family dynamic.I would never get my young daughter involved!
    I could have said a hundred zingers back that wold have sent her over the edge but it’s not worth my energy,she was already suffering deeply and there really is no right answer at this point.

    I blocked their numbers on my phone and I was prepared to tell her her entire neighborhood will know her family business if she called me from any other number and kept calling. I always feel you have to draw the line at abuse somewere I was ready too to get a lil gansta but they stopped!

    Crazy stories!

  30. Tamara — That is, without a doubt, the CRAZIEST angry wife story I’ve heard. With someone that mentally unstable, I don’t know why he hadn’t divorced her long ago. Unstable people are dangerous.

    Great story, though. You handled it well. Honestly, what options did you have anyway???

    XX

  31. I wouldn’t dought if the guy from the whoresofbabylon.com site is a serial killer who targets them or eventually will….he would be on my list in an investigation seriously! Thats a very disturbed soul with as someone said conflicting issues!

  32. This would be his psycological profile,had a mother who had alot of traffic of customers coming in and out as she worked as a escort and he saw it all as a little boy OR He experienced a bait and switch on CL and now he’s pissed.LOL

  33. Tamara — He’s disturbed, for sure.

    Or he’s just a Christian moralizer who wishes he were Muslim so it would be okay to stone women to death for imaginary infractions.

    XX

  34. I think the “don’t pull stats out of your arse” is the most important. How can anyone have a real conversation if they are just going to make things up?

  35. MB — Exactly. But in discussing issues surrounding prostitution, made-up stats by academics are treated as fact, which ends up harming real sex workers.

    XX

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