10 signs a very professional hooker is staying at your hotel

#1 She has no life
#2 She never leaves the hotel
#3 Her room is pathologically neat and the bed is always made hotel-style
#4 She drinks gallons of water
#5 She goes through an enormous amount of towels (but they’re all accounted for when she leaves)
#6 She has no personal toiletries out
#7 The “Do Not Disturb” sign is always out
#8 She settles the bill in cash — all large bills or a huge collection of mid-size notes — all in perfect order
#9 She always knows when the Internet goes down
#10 She knows the maids’ schedule and tips them well

Okay, maybe the title should be amended to “10 signs Amanda is staying at your hotel.” Ladies, feel free to add to this list! It’s just a starter list. :)

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16 thoughts on “10 signs a very professional hooker is staying at your hotel

  1. ant

    Ok, that only helps if we are staying at the same place!

    I’m not that in tune anyway. Isn’t there a brochure or on-line schedule like the airlines have that we can check instead?

    Lol 😉 )P

  2. Elisabeth Whispers

    The personal toiletries one, I might disagree with. Nice “stuff” in the bathroom doesn’t detract from the overall experience! 😉

    A a few feather boas thrown across a chair, or a nice flogger, never hurt anything, either! The other stuff, though? Oh yes!

  3. Amanda Brooks Post author

    Elisabeth,

    My personal toiletries?? I remove them all. I’ve learned clients cannot be trusted to stay out of my things. (Why a man would want to wash with rose-scented bath gel is beyond me but it’s happened.)

    Nope, I NEVER EVER leave tell-tale signs in the room for anyone. But that’s me. I also don’t travel with toys or accessories (other than clothing/shoes). Depending on the hotel/country, I often collect the condom wrappers and dispose of them later in public bins away from the hotel. Probably going a bit far for some people but I just HATE others knowing my business.

    Granted, when I had an apartment incall in Dallas, I could make the space a bit sexier and more suggestive (as well as providing male-scented bath products).

    XX

  4. London

    Hmm well I never use their towels over the ones that are provided…I bring my own.

    I leave the sign up because I don’t want them in my room….have done this even while off the clock.

    I do tip the staff when quite frankly I don’t bother them except for room service.

    I book online for the entire week so no cash with large bills to ever settle up.

    I use a wireless card so no net problems as of yet lol.

    I also take the trash out with me and dispose in the public can, just in case someone cares how many condoms I might go through lol.

    Guess I have learned to avoid the signs.

  5. Amanda Brooks Post author

    London — I can’t possibly travel with enough towels to keep up. That would be a ridiculous amount. You’re the first girl I’ve ever heard who claims to travel with their own collection of towels for clients.

    You don’t avoid every sign though: you still tip the staff; you leave out the “Do Not Disturb” sign all the time.

    I rarely prepay for a hotel. Not only do I expect to make the money I need while on the trip, I only trust prepayment in the US. In fact, with international travel I usually don’t even trust the hotel with an actual valid credit card (though I’m often forced to give them one for booking).

    XX

  6. Ginger

    Oh, so true, Amanda. This post really brought a smile to my face when thinking of my overseas adventures. Sigh.

    Funny thing is that I *always* went incognito when leaving my room — never dressed up at all for fear of being suspect (hair was always in a bun). Got rid of the wrappers, too, as some of these places were pretty conservative.

    Good to be back in the ole USA (for a while anyway). Am I the only one who misses the lifestyle abroad? Ahhh, the memories….

  7. Naughti Nikki

    I totally agree with your 10 signs an escort is staying at your hotel. I must also add another one I recently encountered when using a hotel room closeby to my home that I just went to when I had a string of appointments.

    Oops, I’m going in the 2nd day of my 3 day stretch at 11am, and I notice the newspaper outside of the door. Woopsie. Didn’t let that happen the next morning, I was there at 7 😉

  8. Anna Borngen

    This whole list describes me to a T when I am NOT working in a hotel. I don’t like the obligatory stop & chat with reception so I try to use back entrances and appear never to leave my room. I travel with pets, so I don’t like anyone in my room. I unplug the phone & don’t answer the door because I’m paying for peacefulness. TV bores me so I spend my downtime doing online research (like reading your blog from beginning to end). And I try to keep my credit card balances as low as possible, so I pay in cash at the end. Except instead of towels, for me it’s washcloths. I like to wash my face with a clean cloth morning, night & anytime I go outside. I wonder if the hotel staff has always thought I was a prostitute.

  9. Bea Bliss

    I’ve become the Johnny Appleseed of personal vibrators as I travel around the Puget Sound! Oh well, hopefully housekeeping appreciated the parting gift ; )

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