Specifically — other escorts. Not me. No, of course not me.
I wrote this several months ago, came across it again and decided to post it here. It’s me being curmudgeonly. I have less and less patience with certain aspects of my own industry. Familiarity breeding scorn? Possibly. Do I think perhaps the industry could move forward? Yes.
Ahem: I’m obviously writing this from the perspective of a female escort/male client relationship simply because it’s most typical and I’m most familiar with it.
I’m standing in front of the classroom, pointer in hand, frowning. Remedial detention is now in session. (Men can imagine me in my secretary/librarian look. Girls…probably aren’t interested in imagining me.)
stating the patently obvious
I peruse new sites on a regular basis. I laugh at those who insist they aren’t high volume. In this economy, nearly everyone in the US is low-volume and exclusive! (If you consider “exclusive” synonymous with “low-volume.”)
Yeah, I know, it’s what they think passes for marketing. The obvious disconnect from reality is what tickles me. That someone who charges $2000 minimum or so for their time somehow feels the need to assure everyone they really don’t have clients lined up around the clock.
What doesn’t make me laugh are the girls who think that by being “exclusive” they are somehow “better” (i.e. more special) than those who don’t do things exactly as they do. I’m getting quite sick of the rampant pretension with online escorts. There’s a serious need for some serious bitch-slapping out there. (One can easily separate one’s self from the herd without dissing the rest of the herd.)
Just be yourself. Your clients will figure it out all on their own. Really, they will. Especially if you appeal to men with intelligence. I find they truly are capable of independent thought and drawing their own conclusions. They exist all over the world too. It’s amazing!
I bought into the hierarchy thing when I was a newbie escort. I’ve since learned better. There are very different ways of approaching this business, but it does not make one sex worker somehow better, more valuable or worthier than another.
Your real competition isn’t the girl that you think is riding your coattails or the “cheaper”, “sluttier” girls in your city — it’s you.
the low-threshold of excitement
I laugh at the high-end girls who claim they do this for the “adventure” of it. I’m sure I’ve said this before, but if they really wanted adventure, they’d be doing it in a back alley for $5/pop (or advertise on BackPage and don’t screen). Not saying well-screened, wealthy men can’t be fascinating, powerful and sexual in their own right but an evening with them would not be what I consider “adventurous.” Not at this point in my life. (For the record, I’m not opposed to the money or the men. Just to calling it an “adventure.”)
This could just be my perspective. While dinner at a 4-star restaurant and sex in a 4-star hotel is a great way to make a living, creates lovely memories and can introduce you to some very wonderful men you wouldn’t normally meet — it’s not an “adventure.” Not unless you lead a very, very sheltered life.
Maybe I just have a higher threshold for my kicks. Who knows?
car dates, hotel dates, dinner dates, alley date, any date
I still think using the term “date” in regards to meeting a client sounds street. I don’t care if your minimum is $5000 for dinner. Calling it a date and charging money for it sounds street.
Maybe I’m just stuck with the image of a scantily-dressed woman in high heels leaning over a car window to inquire about “dates.” Guess I’m susceptible to media stereotypes after all.
the new-escort debut formula
Which is: get expensive hotel-room/expensive-lingerie photos done by one particular photographer and a website done by a particular web designer. Write text that sounds like every other escort you’re emulating. After a while, it gets difficult to find the real person behind the interchangeable everything. (Not saying these service-people aren’t good at their jobs. This is about the choices escorts make.)
For starters: would someone please get escorts the hell away from black, cookie-cutter sites? When will girls realize white is a perfectly acceptable, non-oppressive, elegant color? Few escorts seem that brave. Or how about using bright, non-garish, non-clashing colors on sites? At this point, even pastels seem daring. Any color at all! Please! Human beings really do like color, you know (men are humans too).
Don’t be afraid to try different layouts/site designs. I’m sure a talented designer can come up with new solutions. Heck, popping out the same site over and over again probably gets very boring for them. Be unique and throw out a challenge. Sites that are unique (without being confusing) grab my jaded attention immediately. But then, I’m not a client — just someone who sees a lot of escort sites. (If your clients see a lot of escort sites too, you may want to think about yours.)
And girls so need to learn to choose photographers who know lighting, rather than those who know how to Photoshop (or worse — those who simply have Photoshop). I understand zapping zits but giving yourself a new body shape and new (very-fake) skin? Your clients are going to see you in real light anyway. Take care of yourself instead of relying on Photoshop. Learn posing, learn how to wear flattering clothes and lingerie. And realize your clients are generally pretty happy to just see you naked. Men are much more concerned if you like them than if you have a tummy (like most women do) or if your legs aren’t swizzle sticks. (If you have cankles, you’re out of luck, sorry to say.)
Spend your money on a good photographer instead. A handful of excellent, real photos will make such a difference in your business. Photographers who have bothered to learn their craft are capable of producing great shots that don’t require weeks of “editing.” Just download after the shoot and go!
If you’re truly worried about your real-life appearance, offer a discount for legally-blind clients. Otherwise, understand every woman has a laundry list of things she would change about herself. Do what you can, choose a good photographer with real skills and go with God.
what so many fail to market
Their personality. Because this business comes down to real-life human connections, it’s the most important tool escorts have and the one they consistently under-utilize. Read a lot of sites and every escort likes the same things, does the same things and has the same life-history (okay, not every single one but tons of them are oddly similar).
Are very similar women drawn to this business? Possibly. Another possibility is that relatively few are confident enough to really stand out. I feel very certain that there are actual, real, individual women behind each site — I just can’t tell because they all present themselves the same way.
A non-airbrushed personality is the best marketing tool ever. It goes with everything, never gains weight but does require keeping in shape. Sometimes it scares clients away — but most of the time, it intrigues. And why not? They’re looking for someone who intrigues them, someone who may match them in the way they want, someone who would really like them. That’s the point.
Even guys who are searching for quickies or just want to see how it feels to have sex with an American girl still want to know who she is. (No, I don’t know how it feels to have sex with an American girl .)
If you have a great personality but start off by hiding it underneath all the other typical crap, you’re probably missing out on some great clients.
Detention is now dismissed. Go make money.
PS: I expand on these ideas in a much more polite and helpful way in Book 2: Advertising and Marketing , in case you’re curious. This post was not written to sell the book, but yes, this is all stuff I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about. One day I’d like to focus on other aspects of life. Really truly.
PPS: The decision to post this formerly-private musing was probably inspired by Casey’s Coats for Cunts. Possibly.