…but for which no money is exchanged

I’m sure many of you have seen this wording on advertising malls and personal websites of escorts. Continuing my recent satirical bent, here are some private activities that I enjoy for which no money is ever exchanged:

  • sleeping (my #1 enjoyable private activity)
  • eating
  • running
  • reading (especially in bed)
  • reading while eating
  • watching stupid YouTube videos
  • using my honey/sugar scrub in the shower
  • getting fresh toenail polish (though I do this a salon so it’s not private and I pay for this service)
  • watching mindless movies
  • napping
  • looking at my collection of Breyer horses
  • dreaming about the day when I finally have all my stuff out of storage
  • dreaming up blog posts that I never write
  • dreaming up books that I never write
  • flossing
  • dozing
  • counting and wrapping the coins in my coin jar
  • having a really good rant about someone/something deserving
  • bird-watching
  • adding to my to-do list and sometimes crossing something off
  • catching some Zs
  • admiring my hair after I leave the salon
  • dreaming about what I’d do if I won the lotto
  • endlessly checking my email but not actually answering any of them (then become guilt-racked)
  • surfing escort websites
  • slumbering

Oddly, none of these options are available for me to check off on advertising malls. I think I’ll just link to this post, just to be helpful to any potential clients. Apparently my private activities are something they’re intensely curious about for some reason.

26 thoughts on “private activities that i enjoy

  1. I see a pattern:

    ร‚ยป sleeping (my #1 enjoyable private activity)

    ร‚ยป napping

    ร‚ยป dozing

    ร‚ยป catching some Zs

    ร‚ยป slumbering

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I was wondering Amanda when did people begin to obsess about what hobbies that you enjoyed by yourself. I am wondering are you always getting pestered by previous and current clients and has this line of questioning been extremely commonplace and repetitive? Would you say that some of your clients have their homes plastered with your pictures and their computers with you in the background in the desktop? If you ever come out of retirement and become an active adult companionship professional would you want to have psychological examinations to ascertain what his personality is like before you see him? I am wondering now do your stalkers have shirts with you picture on them. At this point you have got to inquire about something like that.

  3. Claus — I’m glad this was eye-opening AND educational! ๐Ÿ™‚

    SR — Ah, so you stumbled across my “secret code!” I should’ve stuck in a few sleep-related acronyms too.

    Lionel — ??? Not sure if you’re being serious or not…

    In case you haven’t come across this phrasing, it’s on some advertising malls and some escort websites as a supposed “loophole” in detailing what sexual activities they’ll do for money without directly stating it. I’m making fun of that practice. Also, I’ve been unretired since 2008. Yes, I do a fairly good job of doing a psychological screening on guys — it’s something all girls learn how to do. We have to. And…I’m perfectly aware that guys all over the world have stored my pix on their computers. It’s creepy and violates the copyright of my photographers.

  4. Dear Ms. Brooks:
    I was wondering when you do you psychological evaluation of a prospective client what do you concentrate on since you have never met him in person yet? Would it be the way that he conveys his thoughts by how he say certain interogative sentences with regards to having a convocation with you? Also I was wondering with respect to the aforementioned question would you also call him to have a more thorough investigation via a conversation or would you call other adult companionship professionals and ascertain his behaviorial tendencies that way? Just asking about the ways that you would go about extrapolating information regarding his persona around your esteemed colleagues?

  5. David — Ha! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Lionel — I’m very good at reading between the lines of an email (or blog comment). Other girls are very good at phone conversations (not my strength). And most reputable escorts will give references. It’s a combination of instinct, common sense and experience.

  6. Dear Ms. Brooks:
    What are some of the connotative elements with respect to language to you tend to analyze with respect to someone being psychologically compatible to be in your presence? Also what certain things are transpiring in your mind as you tend to make these decisions both consciously and subconsciously? Also would you be looking for any subliminal messages and what do you look for both connotative and denotative when analyzing a client?

  7. HA! Yes to all of the above, especially the sleeping part. And I don’t watch as many stupid YouTube videos as I read a lot of stupid Cracked.com articles in their places. Too, too many hours lost to Cracked.com.

    Oh, and I suggest, if you haven’t already, adding a little lemon juice to your honey/sugar scrub. That is especially helpful with knees & elbows.

  8. Aspasia — We all have our Internet addictions. Cracked is funny, but often too long. I like YouTube videos less than 3 minutes. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Adding the lemon juice to the scrub!!! Great idea, thanks!

  9. Breyer horses, I had no idea what those were. Had to look it up, and now I know. My friend bought an old house down the street that is FULL of those things. An old lady collected them….(lol)

  10. Would you have an interest in joining me in the caymans in about 4 weeks for 5 days? Would like to get to know you!! Would fly out of addison airport on private jet.

  11. wow you amazingly pretty, I seen you in national geographic tv show you made that show you have a love for what you do an compassion for the women. please email me back . your simply BERNIE

  12. Amanda,

    So, if you ever want to run in Utah, let me know, I would love to run a 5K with you. I would even wear my vribram 5 fingers.

  13. Amanda,

    I just read the ‘whimsy’ section of your bio. If I remember correctly it was me that recommended “born to run” or am I mis-remembering? In any case it made me think of the last time I saw you, so thanks for the good memory.

  14. Robert — Thanks for the invite! I miss living in Vegas because I’d love to try some desert running right now (I wore regular shoes when I lived/ran there).

    Yes, it was you who recommended BtR. Since then, I’ve bought copies for several people and have attempted to force others to read the book. ๐Ÿ™‚

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