Can’t believe I’ve never ever posted this little gem that I wrote after stripping for six months. It was for a college photo project (it ended up not working because too much text) but I’ve kept these words ever since.

After twenty years as a sex worker, I can congratulate my younger self on my quick wisdom. These rules are solid and have never been disproven.

Rules For Strippers

(men are cheap)

  1. If a man tells you what a nice girl you are, he just wants to try and charm you so he won’t have to spend any money. He isn’t charming, he’s cheap.
  2. When a man tells you all about his “huge” dick and how great he treats women in bed, he’s hoping to get laid for free. Men are cheap.
  3. When a man wants to discuss how much money you make, he’s trying to figure out how well you do without his contribution. Men are cheap.
  4. When a man tells you how much money you would make if you went home with him, but doesn’t even buy you a drink, he’s cheap.
  5. He thinks that what you do is a public service, therefore, there is no need to tip you. Men are cheap.
  6. If he wants to discuss how much you get turned on by dancing nearly naked in front of “all these [cheap] men”, then he thinks you get enough joy out of being here that he doesn’t need to tip. Men are cheap.
  7. When a man tells you about how much money you could be making at this other awesome club, it’s because he isn’t planning on spending any on you in this one. He’s cheap.
  8. When a man starts discussing the act of spending money in any way, it’s because it turns him on. This is mental masturbation. He actually does not have money, or does not plan on spending any. Men are cheap.
  9. When a man starts discussing how much fun you have working here, he thinks that this isn’t a job, it’s playtime for you, therefore, he doesn’t need to spend any money since your rewards aren’t tangible. Men are cheap.
  10. Men often believe that a titty bar is a personal dating service where they get to pick out the lucky girl of their choice and you’ll go home with them for free. Obviously you must be up here only to meet men, since this isn’t a real job. So fucking cheap.
  11. Many men only come in to take up table space, gawk and drink one beer for five hours. He’ll say that he’s lonely and broke, so he decided to come here to try and take someone back home with him. Do I even need to say what he is?
  12. Some men, usually younger ones, will come to tip you onstage and watch admiringly as you move through all your contortions inches from his nose. Then, holding his $1 tip, he’ll complain “Is that all?” Feel free to imagine your response in this situation.
  13. A man gets up to tip you onstage and says “You’re so beautiful and you’re working so hard. I thought I’d help you along.” Then he tucks one dollar into your t-back. At this point it should be socially acceptable to wring his neck around the pole and take his wallet.

4 thoughts on “rules for strippers

  1. Amanda,
    You can preface the discourse that you just wrote is the metamorphosis of the socialization and education of a sex worker. This is the part of a sex worker’s make up when she starts to recognize game. She starts to identify ulterior motives and what they are ultimately after. You just give them the shapes and forms of how it is manifested. It is an exhaustive case study on how not to be hoodwinked or duped into doing something you originally had no intention of engaging in.

    1. Lionel — That’s a roundabout way of saying that men impeding me from doing my job, earning my income, or completely disrespecting my work makes me angry.

      Even as a baby stripper, I didn’t think the concept of a strip club was that difficult to grasp, and yet so many men seemed unable or unwilling to do anything but complicate it.

      And these same men go to great lengths to complicate the simple idea of paying for adult companionship as an escort.

      Even worse, these are the same men who have partners who want a complex relationship with the man, but they simplify their personal relationships to a transaction. I still DO NOT GET IT.

      1. Dear Ms. Brooks,
        Impeding you no. Are they making it more challenging because you want to deal with someone who is real as opposed to someone who is trying to get something for nothing or a considerable discount? Yes. As an adult entertainer you always have your antenae up. You constantly have your wits about you and your certainly more defensive in the fact that now your BS detector is on high. Once you find someone who is real and wants to do business with you on your terms then that is someone that you covet and look forward to interacting with.

        1. Lionel — They are impeding me in that they’re wasting my time, and in a strip club there are only so many seats for customers. When it’s full of non-paying customers like these men, yes, it does impede all of us strippers from making an income.

          This little piece was part of my antenna-creating process (would have been written when I was approx. 21). I’ve reread other things I wrote about sex work over a decade ago and I think wow! I was young and naive. 🙂

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