Can’t believe I’ve never ever posted this little gem that I wrote after stripping for six months. It was for a college photo project (it ended up not working because too much text) but I’ve kept these words ever since.
After twenty years as a sex worker, I can congratulate my younger self on my quick wisdom. These rules are solid and have never been disproven.
Rules For Strippers
(men are cheap)
- If a man tells you what a nice girl you are, he just wants to try and charm you so he won’t have to spend any money. He isn’t charming, he’s cheap.
- When a man tells you all about his “huge” dick and how great he treats women in bed, he’s hoping to get laid for free. Men are cheap.
- When a man wants to discuss how much money you make, he’s trying to figure out how well you do without his contribution. Men are cheap.
- When a man tells you how much money you would make if you went home with him, but doesn’t even buy you a drink, he’s cheap.
- He thinks that what you do is a public service, therefore, there is no need to tip you. Men are cheap.
- If he wants to discuss how much you get turned on by dancing nearly naked in front of “all these [cheap] men”, then he thinks you get enough joy out of being here that he doesn’t need to tip. Men are cheap.
- When a man tells you about how much money you could be making at this other awesome club, it’s because he isn’t planning on spending any on you in this one. He’s cheap.
- When a man starts discussing the act of spending money in any way, it’s because it turns him on. This is mental masturbation. He actually does not have money, or does not plan on spending any. Men are cheap.
- When a man starts discussing how much fun you have working here, he thinks that this isn’t a job, it’s playtime for you, therefore, he doesn’t need to spend any money since your rewards aren’t tangible. Men are cheap.
- Men often believe that a titty bar is a personal dating service where they get to pick out the lucky girl of their choice and you’ll go home with them for free. Obviously you must be up here only to meet men, since this isn’t a real job. So fucking cheap.
- Many men only come in to take up table space, gawk and drink one beer for five hours. He’ll say that he’s lonely and broke, so he decided to come here to try and take someone back home with him. Do I even need to say what he is?
- Some men, usually younger ones, will come to tip you onstage and watch admiringly as you move through all your contortions inches from his nose. Then, holding his $1 tip, he’ll complain “Is that all?” Feel free to imagine your response in this situation.
- A man gets up to tip you onstage and says “You’re so beautiful and you’re working so hard. I thought I’d help you along.” Then he tucks one dollar into your t-back. At this point it should be socially acceptable to wring his neck around the pole and take his wallet.