Patient explanations often lead to insulted or hurt feelings no matter what. Men take these things personally when they shouldn’t be in this grey area to begin with. It’s ALWAYS a mess.

This post is about men NOT wanting to pay for what they should pay for. It IS about what we’re selling, which is our time/energy. This is the thing so many men don’t seem to think they need to pay for, hence where all the tension comes into play.

My take on this is: you pay for my time/energy, the sex is free.

XX

But that’s beyond the scope of your post, as you said. I discussed peripheral stuff because your main point was bothering me, but I felt as dense as Robert and didn’t see what I could contribute.
I’ve ranted myself about folks walking up to me and expecting free coaching (I’m moderately successful in a profession with many applicants and few working people). So I do know where the frustration comes from. I share advice liberally and in controlled venues (like industry boards), but refuse to be at the mercy of anyone who requires guidance, and have hurt a few feelings that way.

But for a man, it IS a hurdle to understand why a social drink with a woman (even if she does market social companionship) cannot be separated from work.

After giving it some thought, I think I get it, however. Escorts are entertainers. And I’ve seen first hand how entertainers can be the constant targets of harrassment. Because people confuse private person with public persona and clearly violate their idol’s boundaries by acting like fans. Fans somehow think they “own” an artist they love because they paid for a few shows… and we all know they really don’t. I think it’s a form of entitlement, as the point has been raised here before.

So some entertainers are more or less gracious all around, others real jerks in private, but they ALL feel the burden of fame and prefer to be left alone UNLESS they have invited the attention, like while performing.

Regardless of this understanding, I know that it’s always been a let-down for me to witness a Mr. Nice Guy on screen or stage tell people to fuck off. They break “character” and I never see them the same way. The public, like many men in presence of women, can be like kids – demanding and annoying, but their bad manners are kinda… innocent.

For an escort, I think that a patient explanation is the best response to unwanted offers and attention. If they don’t get it they can then go to hell. lol
But then, I’m not an escort.

For the record, I’m not speaking from experience but solidarity with my less perceptive fellow hobbyists.
I’ve been in a few confusing situations with providers, usually when they said something or made an offer that took me aback, and have always reverted to “it’s business” as a defense mechanism. I certainly didn’t want a suddenly enlarged… ego to put me in a position to be rejected.
As you know we do have fragile egos (the armor is on the outside)…

I also hear you on the girls having a rough deal. I’ve seen them struggle not to ask burning questions (providers know about boundaries) or with the fear of being rejected because of what they do (most live with the stigma). But we were talking about what men are paying for, not what women are selling, eh?

Good reply…except when it comes to wanting a relationship. There the “compensation” should be an equal exchange of emotion/respect. It’s hard to find. Even harder when starting out at the provider/client point. Things get murky fast.

Girls have it hard in this situation too. They never want to offend, they don’t want their bills to be unpaid, they don’t want to be hurt or taken advantage of. I see these issues a lot. It’s tough waters to navigate because we also question the reality of our feelings for a client.

None of it is pretty or easy. However…men do sometimes bring things on themselves when assuming WAY too much on something that wasn’t offered in the first place. What this post was about.

XX

Amanda, in that last line of your entry, I do see a thread: men equate money with sex when in the company of women. They just think that if every time they want sex it will cost them (one way or another, and it just does)… it should follow that no request for sex will cause no request for money.
They’re wrong, of course, as a gentleman knows that:
1. A lady is always right, and…
2. A gentleman always pays

Let me ask you then: when a provider asks ME out, should I still pay? My answer to this is YES. See #2. Like freebie offers, I take that as the compliment that they are and politely insist on reaching for my wallet.

Things get easier when one realizes that sex is ALWAYS on a man’s mind, and COMPENSATION on a woman’s. I’m not sure who is entitled in all of this…

Don’t actors often have flings with each other on set, and end up parting ways after the shoot? They are professionals who pretend for a living and sell fantasy, and YET they still get confused and act on fake feelings.
I think its very human and a risk of sex work to have people lose perspective after a good time and forget that EVERY interaction is strictly professional.
I have to keep remembering that, like a cop or a priest, a sex worker is never off the clock.

And that was Alfred Camus who gave this great definition of charm that you used, Amanda. I think about it a lot and do my best to keep things unsaid with women (especially pros, that I never question) because of it, and… it’s not always easy for a man.