You hit it. Yes, what are Old Guy’s and Edna’s expectations of each other? Only they can answer that, hopefully honestly.

It’s one thing to offer an idea to try and open someone’s mind. It’s quite another to try and “change” someone. People change to suit themselves — no one else (if they ever do change).

XX

“Expectations” — yes, another good one.

Will our unnamed Old Guy expect Edna to (1) behave and/or (2) look like these younger ladies? (I think that’s where you’re going with the “separate his fantasy play-time from his real life” thing — by all means, correct me if I’m wrong.)

Here’s another one: Will he expect Edna to let him continue to play with these younger ladies, after they become “involved”?

But also from the other direction:

Edna, if you do decide to get involved with this guy, would you expect him to stop playing with them (and, perhaps, with any other ladies)?

Are you thinking, perhaps, “He’d be wonderful if it weren’t for what he’s doing with those young chickies. Are they giving him something I wouldn’t be able to give him — or can I be so engaging that he’ll stop going to them?”

All these are choices that you and he are free to make; I’m not going to be negative on any of them. However I would encourage you to see him as he is, right now — not as he might be, if he would let you mold his clay into the shape you like.

Because he might not let you. Especially if he’s in his 70s — his character and personality are probably pretty-well established, by now. He might be beyond the point where he might be a lady’s fixer-upper project. He might be a package deal. And you may have to decide whether the “bad parts” of the package outweigh its “good parts.”

Just sayin’.

I’m not really sure why it matters. He’s paying for a lot of things — a big one is the fantasy aspect. If the 20yr old escort is happy with her job and the arrangement she makes with him — why does it concern you?

Youth is beauty. Youth isn’t always brains, heart or anything else. There’s nothing wrong with paying for beauty. That’s why I enjoy art museums instead of trying to draw in my sketchbook.

If you wonder whether or not she gets sexual pleasure from him — if he’s good in bed and they have chemistry — yes, it’s entirely possible. If you’re wondering if his worn exterior turns her on as her beauty does him — probably not.

RSRD,

Good point about his honesty or lack of it! THAT’S the biggie! Not the age gap or the “what do they do in bed?” thing.

His expectations for his real partners is also an issue. Can he separate his fantasy play-time from his real life?

XX

You asked two questions in there: “why do men think” it’s OK, and “what do 20-something escorts really think” about it.

I can’t answer the second question, but I am a guy who’s (ah) getting up in years. So maybe I can help with your first one. Disclaimer: I’m “a” guy, not *your* guy. *shrug* Maybe he and I think completely differently about things. But here are a few of my thoughts:

#1: IMHO, his lying about this is a Bad Thing and a Bad Sign. In the long term, honesty is better even if one of you doesn’t t like the message.

#2: Regarding the “age” matter:

I’m not in my 70s — yet. But — for me — the thing that usually disqualifies barely-legal girls is their conversation. From my perspective, they usually haven’t lived very long or thought about very much, so they usually have little to say that interests me.

That might be good-enough for a 5-minute quickie (with price to match), but it is certainly not what I would expect of an escort of Amanda’s calibre.

That said, if she’s in her 20s, with the liveliness and energy of a 20-something, and if she is also mature enough in mind and heart to hold up her end of a pleasant evening *before* going behind the bedroom doors — someone like Amanda, or like some of the other ladies who have posted here– then why not?

Perhaps this feels a little threatening. After all, this man is someone you said you are thinking of getting involved with. Might he prefer these young girls to you?

If “involved” means, potentially, years of domestic bliss — spending those years together could be a very different thing from having a pleasant evening like that. For example:

My wife and I will be celebrating our 20thy anniversary in a few months. We married when I was 40 and she was 31. (Life begins at 40!) That’s close enough, given where we were/are in age, that we’ve had *enough* shared cultural history (as well as our shared interests and so forth) to help us continue to communicate over months and years of constant contact.

Am I likely to have that kind of connection with someone in her early 20s? Nope, and that’s why I probably wouldn’t marry one. But a pleasant evening? With a consenting adult?

If we assume (for the sake of this discussion) that doing this would not hurt my wife– from my (a guy’s) point of view, why not?

The real question is, why would *she* want to try to have a pleasant evening with a dried-out old guy?

And that question, of course, I’m *not* equipped to answer.