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14 Responses to “numbers (or notches)”
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January 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Heh. I wonder about people’s numbers too, and I do want details. Hooray for prurient interests!
I don’t think money negates anything sex workers may have learned. Who said that? Whoever they are, I’d like to flick their ear, because that statement is ridiculous.
Like any other field, I don’t think one variable (in this case, number of sex partners) is what makes or breaks someone earning the title of Expert – but it’s definitely a contributing factor among many others.
My number is 14. If I were competitive about these things I’d say I feel so virginal compared to certain “experts.” But I’m not, and I sure as hell don’t.
January 10th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
[...] numbers (or notches) – After Hours| random discourse from a retired escort Another post pondering the definition of “expert.” (tags: expertise sex sexwork) [...]
January 11th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Amber,
Well, I’m just guessing about the money angle. It seems that most people don’t count sex work as work (either because of the money or the sex, not sure which), and they certainly don’t see it as a relationship because of the money. So I’m guessing that money means sex workers don’t learn anything either (because the money stops new synapse connections from forming, at least in women). Otherwise we’d have a whole slew of sex worker advice columnists.
No, numbers don’t confer “expert” because there’s a whole lot going into the equation. However, I’ve certainly read some sex columnists where I seriously wonder the last time they had sex. Just seems incorrect.
And a big big thanks for sharing your number! If it was good for you then it was good for me
I remember watching a movie about AIDS in high school (the virgin years) and the victim confessed to having 5 partners and called herself “nearly a virgin.” At the time, I thought “what a slut!” but now I sort of feel she was correct. Perspective certainly changes.
I’ve always liked experience though. The guys I’ve been attracted to most are guys who seem to have been around the world and then some. I tend to not like pure driven snow. That explains some of my bias.
XX
May 9th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Well there is a difference between having 11 experiences and having one experience 11 times.
I have wished to respond to this topic for awhile but well, I often procrastinate.
This is a bothersome topic because I’ve had ALOT of sexual partners. Even before I became part of this “sphere” I had been with over (easily) 100 men. It sounds so very slutty, though, to state such.
And it honestly isn’t. Dates and complete silliness is probably most of the cause for my “man count”. Also, well there are a few other reasons.
I don’t keep a count or notches on my bed post (I used to but quit when the bed post got a little weak) but I would guess that I’ve easily been with over 800 men. God, the number sounds horrid but I’m guessing it’s a low number.
I wouldn’t be surprised if met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates that the count was much higher. And although I’m embarrassed, I sincerely believe that Jesus would be fine with it.
Not quite sure what to state at this point except to say that this was a very good topic and I hope that I contributed to it somewhat!
Warmly,
Amy
May 9th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Amy,
Wow. Impressed by your number, actually.
I’m very glad you shared. I like that.
XX
Amanda
November 9th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
to be honest, I have never counted the number of women I have had sex with professionally speaking. my estimate would be under 50, but close to it. i am 37, and i started when i was 23 years old. personally speaking, probably 25-30, and 7 were close relationships.
November 10th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Rich,
Thanks for sharing! Always appreciated. And I like seeing the other side of it too.
XX
January 1st, 2009 at 11:22 am
I think that, if anything, sex workers (and some of their clients) are more qualified as sex experts than others – who can match their quantity and variety of experience and their objectivity? As you said, experience itself can’t make you an expert, but how can you claim expertise without it?
I agree completely with your impression of too many sex columnists, advise writers or other so-called experts. I think far too many of them (especially the book writers) follow a very staid, uniform format, and too many see and write about sex only as part of a long-term, monogamous relationship.
Experience in a sex partner is definitely a plus!
My “number” is more than Jenna Jameson, but less than Amy Morgan.
January 1st, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Wow! I feel like suck a newbie compared to you all, my number is 5! I feel so cheated.
January 2nd, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Lee,
Yes, a lot of “experts” in every field are not as expert as one might think (I say this carefully since I’m positioning myself as a knowledgable person in a narrow niche). Kind of makes me think of looking for a doctor to do Lasik — you want one that has done thousands or one does a couple operations per week? I know which one I’d consider the “expert.”
Thanks for sharing your number! (in a way)
Robert,
Newbie maybe, but then, the whole matter of quality comes into play. I’m betting those 5 weren’t a ships-passing-in-the-night sort of thing. And hey, if you’re happy with your number, then so be it! Doesn’t matter what we think!
XX
January 4th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I don’t know if I would associate the word happy with the number, but it really does not matter one way or the other, it is what it is.
March 31st, 2010 at 10:31 pm
[...] wrote on “numbers” a while back. Though that post has nothing to do with this one, it’s still something I like [...]
April 18th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Wow- I was with more people before deciding to escort, than I have been with as an escort… Especially in college, I was also much less selective and took alot of dumb risks (as far as who I was with, I always treated sex as a health issue/risk).
When I was about 24ish I remember comparing numbers with a friend… Hers was still in the single digits. I asked her if she came with all of those guys. Only one. I was shocked, I thought the reason you had sex was because it felt so super good… She accused me of thinking like a man and being only after my own orgasm (well, I can come alot, most men can come only once or twice, so um… ya, I was sort of after my own pleasure
).
It’s funny that people place such an emphasis on quantity, when really it’s about quality. I would rather be with a man who has had 90 good experiences out of 100 than with a guy who has been with 10 and only had 5 positive experiences.
April 19th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Rachael,
I’ve been with WAY more as a sex worker but that’s also because I put myself out there for that reason. It’s been fun and an experience. Though I can’t say the quality is there (statistically it can’t be, nor is it part of the job description) it has taught ME an awful lot about sex I would not have learned any other way.
It does make me super-picky and super-selfish in my personal life. I agree with you — if it doesn’t feel good (and you’re not being paid), why bother? That’s a smart perspective — not a guy perspective!
XX