I have been in the business of â€˜sexâ€™ for a long time. Some people might think that it would inure me to sexual feelings, and sometimes I believe that fallacy too. Although I rarely get completely aroused just by seeing a naked man like I did in college, it doesnâ€™t mean that Iâ€™m blasÃ©. Instead, the emotional resonance of sex has spread. No longer is sex concentrated in dicks or my pussy. Sex can be many things to me and most of them have nothing to do with naked bodies.
Moonlight reflected on water. A great sushi dinner followed by a cigarette. Rubbing the third toe of my bare right foot over a bump to stimulate a nerve that goes straight up my leg and to my kitty. Angelina Jolie. The kiss I didnâ€™t get on the Golden Gate Bridge. A steam room so hot that I leave it feeling like Iâ€™m about to die (and after 5 minutes I go back in). Waking up throbbing from a dream Iâ€™m embarrassed to remember. Seeing the city of Paris at sunset from the Eiffel Tower. A roller coaster that doesnâ€™t go as fast as it should and ends too soon. A dinner that ends with a deep, chocolate kiss. A warm patch of sunlight on the bed. The infinite teasing I used to do when I stripped. Perfect fantasies about someone I will never have sex with. Reading a book that takes me out of myself and into the person telling the story. In a crowd, sharing a naughty secret with one person. By ourselves in the desert, naked in the open under the sky. The internal thunder from the engines of Boeing 737 lifting off from Love Field directly over a certain bench beside Bachman Lake. The moment before penetration when it feels like it will never happen and Iâ€™ll end up dying before it does. Standing close to the speakers at a concert so that the music reverberates deep in my belly. The sting from a really good Brazilian bikini wax. A glance of possession. The first time I heard â€œCloserâ€ on the radio and nearly wrecked my car. The blinking of a carâ€™s turn signal that reminds me of the rhythm of my orgasms. The voice of actor Michael Wincott. Naked tickle/wrestling matches. A really good idea. The feeling of inspiration. That first pull on a long-awaited cigarette (all the rest is useless). A movie that leaves me in awe. Feeling his orgasm inside me. Driving with at sunset or at night with the windows down and the music pounding (and a cigarette). The feeling of â€˜cleanâ€™ after a much-needed shower. Walking out the door into a Texas summer and the heat wraps around me as completely as water. Skinny-dipping. Writing a passage that gives me pleasure every time I read it. A perfectly clean house and not another thing to do. Watching my first black-and-white print develop like magic. And every other time Iâ€™ve developed a print or negative.
The greatest pleasures in my life have been from sex. A lot of people say that. But Iâ€™m just now starting to realize that when I say â€œSexâ€ I mean a whole lot more putting Part B into Slot A.
Sex is like God, it is everywhere, in everything. It is a joy to recognize and discover it hiding right beside me all the time.