After years of receiving my own pile of emails and phone calls, years of listening to other girls, and my own friends who work Backpage, here is how the world would be if it functioned like these men apparently believe it does.

I assume these men are clients of some poor soul. They aren’t real clients and aren’t civilians. They live in their own special realm.

— Makes a dental appointment: “Here is a picture of my great teeth. They’re so amazing you need to pay me to clean them. What? You’re going to charge me anyway? You money-grubbing whore.”

— Speaks with a general contractor: “You’re going to bill me for this? I thought you liked working on my house so much you’d do it for free. You’re such a money-grubbing whore.”

— Calls a bank after 5pm: “Oh, so you just closed once you made all your money for the day. I see how you are, you money-grubbing whore.”

— Walks into a Mercedes dealership: “I want the newest S model. In black. Turbo. Fully-loaded. Full warranty. Free oil changes for life. And I only have $100. What? You won’t do this amazing deal? You money-grubbing whore.”

— Calls the home number of the manager of a local steakhouse at 4am: “Wake up. I want a steak with all the trimmings right now. The steakhouse is closed? You advertised steak and I want steak. Wake up and cook my steak. I’ll be there in 5 minutes and I only have $20. You can’t tell me no! I’m a customer! You sleep-grubbing whore.”

— Sends long love letter to therapist: “I love you unconditionally forever. You listen to me and make me feel good. You’re the most wonderful person in the world. What? You don’t want to date me? Why not? Fine. I hate you. All you care about is material things and your stupid boundaries. You money-grubbing whore.”

— Argues with bill collector: “All you care about is getting paid. I am living a spiritual life and money is not important to me, you money-grubbing whore.”

— Calls local mechanic at 4:54pm. At 4:55pm. At 4:57pm. At 5:01pm. At 5:03pm. At 5:05pm. At 5:10pm. At 5:11pm. At 5:12pm. Finally leaves message: “I hope you’re better at fixing cars than you are at answering your phone. I wanted my car fixed but my car is too good for you. You disease-ridden, money-grubbing whore.”

— Sees doctor. Goes to pay: “Why am I being charged? Not only was the doc so nice to me and took care of me, that’s what the doctor likes doing. Why should I have to pay since they like being a doctor so much? Money-grubbing whore.”

— Writes the CEO of Gulfstream: “I really like your jets but can’t afford one. However, I’m 49yrs old, 5’10”, 190lbs, drug/disease-free and like classic movies and read a lot. Could we meet for lunch so I can go ride on one of your jets anyway? NO? How dare you say that to me! I offer so much as a passenger. You money-grubbing whore.”

— Calls his local Chinese delivery restaurant: “I’m 2500 miles away but could I get delivery in the next half hour? No? Why not? I really want Chinese food and think your food is great. I’m willing to pay, and have a coupon. I don’t understand.”

— Argues with wife: “I didn’t marry you because I loved you! I married you so that I could pay your bills so you would have sex with me! And now you won’t have sex with me?! Marriage is paying for sex! You’re not living up to your end of the agreement! You money-grubbing whore.” Goes off, contacts escort off Backpage: “Here’s a picture of my penis. It’s really big and I’m really hot. Free sex — just for you! You want paid? You money-grubbing whore.”

76 thoughts on “the world according to stupid clients

  1. Dear Ms. Brooks:
    Now I get an appreciation of what you have to go through and the harassment that you have to put up with within the course of you jobs. I really feel you pain.

  2. I’m not sure which emails annoy me the most: these, the general time wasters or the religious nuts looking to “save me”.

  3. Jill — Thank you! You inspired this, you know.

    Elisabeth — Glad you got a laugh! You inspired some of these too.

    Jenny — Thank you!!

    Aspasia — These can be amusing. Time-wasters often aren’t amusing since they actually waste time (and I don’t have enough to waste). Religious nuts are amusing too. IMO, of course.

    Lionel — Not just me or only me — EVERY girl out there. This post wasn’t about pain though — just a chance to laugh and make fun of the rampant idiocy out there.

  4. Amanda, I may have inspired it but don’t deserve credit. You put all of this together and it is brilliant. This is your masterpiece. Although, I have to admit it is nice that, for once, I inspired something that made people laugh rather than inspiring them to go into wanting to strangle me 😉

  5. Concert customer in Memphis goes to Stevie Nicks tour website, sees that she was in Memphis 9 days ago and asks if she is still in his city and she can change her concert from her current city back to the previous one immediately so that he can see her. He is told that is impossible and rebuts but I’m generous and will tip Stevie 20 percent of my ticket price if she comes back to Memphis tonight. Oh and can she wear that white dress and stockings that I like? But not with the boots, but with open toed sandals. And what is her size. If buy her navy blue thigh highs at Wal Mart can she wear them during the concert. He also asks if he can have her private cell phone number so that he can text her 604 times to discuss navy blue thigh highs with open toed sandals. When he is told no to all of the above he warns them he will be complaining to the newspaper they advertised the concert in a month ago for “false advertising”.

    Calls NetJets Corporate Private Jet Rental, at 246 PM tells them he knows they fly into BOS and is just down the street from Boston Logan Airport and wants to charter a flight with full flight crew in full uniform, aircraft fueled and ready to go and needs to depart at 2:54PM and is stunned when they can’t do that. They should have had the crew and the aircraft waiting, fully fueled, cleared for departure by the FAA fully ready for him in case he called. When told they need more time, he is stunned and chides them for their poor customer service and advises them the passenger is always right.

    Goes to Wells Fargo for a home loan, has a credit score of 209 but explains ALL 26 negative entries about him were put there by 26 evil companies just trying to ruin his reputation He was a model customer with an impeccable record and 26 separate companies that he admits doing business with all for an unknown reason all said they would never lend to him again. He disparages Wells Fargo for not taking his word that they are all lies and he is good for it.

    Calls a house painter and asks them to paint the entire house for free and if he likes it he will pay them what he feels he owes them and calls them money grubbing whore painters that have no sense of trust in him after knowing him for 2 minutes on a phone call.

  6. Arrives at a TSA Checkpoint with a loaded gun. He does not want to go through security but has a document that says he is a model citizen and is not a terrorist or criminal and a note from his mother as a reference. When he is rejected by the TSA agent he tells she is a paranoid bitch and he only brings the gun because he can’t enjoy his flight any other way.

  7. Ah Ya’ll make me laugh my arse off. I love it.

    What can you say, just proof that you are the most remarkable people on the planet for putting up with the extreme levels of bullshit. Just another reason we love you so 🙂

    Keep it all coming along.

  8. Hi, ummm, I saw your ad on backpage that says “Luxury Private Jet Rental – BlueStarJ*ts.com – Prices start at $1,550 per hour Specials TODAY 866-538-84*8″. I’m wondering what your half hour rate is. I have $80.” You won’t take it? WTF? I’m telling you I have $80 and you won’t take my money. You have to! I’m a paying customer with $80. I’m calling the BBB and Attorney General and reporting you for false advertisment. By law you are required to serve all customers! By the time I’m finished you will be out of business you……….. Call back 2 minutes later. I have $100 for 1/2 hour flight. Will that work? Come on. I’m just a working guy. Can’t you give me a break and make it up on the next guy?

  9. Emails Delta Airlines ” Can U send me more pics? Delta responds “sir the delta.com website is filled with pictures” BP client “um yeah I know but I want to see a pic of the seat I will be sitting in” Delta responds “Sir that isn’t possible” BP Client “But how will I know that my seat is exactly the way I like it without any previous re-stitching”? Delta again responds “Sir, that isn’t possible”. BP Client, “um ok, how bout if I get on the plane and fly and if I like the seat I’ll pay for the flight when I deplane?” “What do you mean no?” Fuck you. Every other airline does this for me.

  10. Calls Delta Airlines at 3:01 AM, 3:02 AM, 3:04AM 3:17AM 3:24 AM, always getting the same automated message saying call back during normal business hours. Goes to website and emails at 3:25 AM. U have seats avail at 3:30 AM? How cum you don’t answer the phone? I’ve called 19 times in the last hour. Oh and do u have flights that I don’t have to go through security and will never worry about safety? That’s what I looking for. I want USFFS, NSFS, BGONFS.

  11. Customer goes to GNC. Tells Store Manager he needs an herbal cleanser. She and he both know what he means. He needs to pass a drug test. He starts to tell her more and she stops him and says she has what he needs and goes to ring it up. Her persists in asking just 1 question. Again she tries to stop him. But he tells her “umm, I’m on probation for drug use and took an herbal cleanser and got busted for obstruction of justice, but you seem cool, I need to know if what you are selling me will help me pass the test? He is dumbfounded when she advises him she can not sell him anything at this point. He persists and she sarcastically refers him to a disliked competitor. And he says, “great can you give me their phone number?”

  12. Calls a highly regarded, long established general contractor to remodel his house. The contractor has great reviews and an A+++ BBB rating who offers him a flat rate to remodel his house with quality products that comply with all ordinances and is completed in the proper time frame. He instead hires contractors with great pics on back page to remodel his house for $40 specail (SIC). He is stunned to find out the contractors are Ranger X’s Home Renavashens (SIC)who put up part the frame of 1 wall for $40 then demand a huge amount to complete the job. He is even more stunned when he demands his money back and two guys named Creepy and Boby mysteriously show up and rob him. So he calls the first contractor who he complained their price was too high, tells them his hard luck story and asks if they can finish his remodel. Only because he was robbed he only has 1/2 the amount they charge. They tell him no again. The price is the price. He tells them fine. “I found a another competitor on BP who will do the job for $80 special and I’m taking my business there. You’ll never hear from me again. I’ll take my business to the $80 special. That will teach you. He gets ripped off again. Calls contractor one for the third time with the intention of offering them 1/3 of their rate because he really wants them. And can’t understand why everytime he calls he gets an automated message saying his number has been blocked.

  13. Calls Accuweather. Umm, yeah, I saw your website on the internet. I saw a high pressure that you have a high pressure over Portland, Oregon. I want to see that high pressure in Killeen Texas in 30 minutes. Accuwx tells him, “sir that isn’t possible, we can’t control the weather, but it will get to Killeen in 2 days.” BP client. “Yeah, I know but I really like high pressures and want to enjoy it while my wife is away and she’ll be back tomorrow” Can you put it here in 30 minutes? If you do I’ll write a good review of Accuweather

  14. Goes to a car dealership, take a car for a test drive and never returns it. Owes the dealership $40,000 for the car he stole. Calls them 7 months later and says he knows he owes them. Can he give them 1/2 of the price of the car he stole and come test drive a new one and if he likes it pay full price this time? He promises this time to return the car and pay for it. And you can count on him. He argues but I”m a paying customer. You can’t refuse me. You’re just doing that because you’re a racist.

  15. Calls and makes an appointment with a urologist. Emails them a pic of his penis which is deleted. He is advised pics of the sort are not acceptable. He shows up for the appointment and is stunned that he is being charged for it. He thought the urologist became one because he liked penisis. And if he just looks again at his penis he know he’ll want to treat him for free.

  16. This reminds me of the old saying, “best to be quiet and have others guess you are intelligent than to open your mouth and have others know what a fool you are” or something to that effect. Usually it’s a mistake younger guys make, often they have had a sheltered life or they have been married a long time.

    I have a teenager so I get to live with this type of attitude on a daily basis. It’s alot easier to just hang up on someone acting like this than it is dealing with teenage attitudes sometimes. With the teenager, I have to feed the mouth that has just insulted me!

  17. Massuse — These guys prove that saying ALL THE TIME.

    Having to live with a teenager!!! Way worse. You win. 🙂 But…you also know that years down the road they’re going to realize you weren’t that bad after all.

  18. The surreal thing about reading this is, the superrich ACTUALLY DO THIS. Pretty nearly EVERYTHING listed here.

    And they actually GET AWAY WITH IT sometimes too. The bank opens after hours for them (at no charge), Gulfstream gives them free use of a jet, etc.

    I guess this is an example of the hierarchy/patriarchy/capitalism in action; people within it pull this stuff on people they think are lower caste, so the people at the top pull it on everyone.

  19. Nathanael — REALLY???? Wow. I can see totally see Donald Trump behaving like this and I can ONLY imagine what his prenups say. This isn’t my idea of how I’d behave regardless of how much or little money I have. I was raised right.

    I don’t think this attitude has ANYTHING to do with capitalism but you’re right in that it has everything to do with patriarchy/respect/social status. (To me, capitalism means you’re free to find someone who offers you what you want instead of bothering the person who DOESN’T offer what you want.) Then again, a friend and I have had a number of discussions where we’ve decided we’d get more out of life if we had a grander sense of entitlement.

  20. Well, there is at least ONE way in which sex work is very different from other types of profession. That is, I don’t find many other professions with members who blog endlessly about problems with their customers. Your the professional here – if you haven’t grasped the psychology of the market base yet, then that seems very odd. I don’t read blogs by (say) architechs complaining about customers using manipulative tactics to haggle with.

    Or….are you…actually suggesting that sex work ISN’T in fact like other types of work, and that by virtue of it’s simulation of the pair-bonding mechanism between men and women, men might often fall into psychological and emotional traps when doing this…that the simulation of intimacy is by its very nature a fraught and risky thing. You above all people should know this (of course you do) and yet you seem to be raging against that reality in these posts about customer behaviour. It means nothing but business to you, but as an experienced escort you cannot avoid knowing that it will mean more than business to a lot of lonely and frustrated men. In most work, you deal with the occupational hazards or you get out, you don’t rage against the unfairness of the existence of those hazards, against reality.

  21. Paul — I’m not “raging” I’m making fun of stupid men. There are TONS of men out there who don’t act with stupidity and they are well-liked clients by all sex workers. Granted, they might not be blogged about as often, but it’s a discretionary nicety for their sake. Plus, making fun of stupid people is fun.

    As for me feeling pity for the poor, emotionally-confused dude who mistakes an escort ad for deep, loving feelings on the part of a sex worker he’s never met — well, I have no pity. None. Obviously. If that’s non-professional of me, well, so be it. This is a business where I am my own boss and I can shoot myself in the foot as often as I please (assuming that’s what you’re thinking I’m doing).

  22. Paul,

    If you had read Amanda’s blog without going into a self absorbed crusade about how men are victimized then perhaps you would have noticed the men in most of the examples aren’t clients. They aren’t customers. They are idiots who think they are entitled to things that they are not. As is the case with many clients of escorts.

    What industry do you work in where employees don’t openly complain about idiot customers? I’ve been in like 14 different industries and it is the same in all. Customers believe they are entitled to far more than they are. They believe they know what the job requires and they don’t.

    A client in a session with an escort is the recipient of a performance. An escort is a skilled professional that delivers a service. If the men mistake that for actual emotional connection and bond that is the men’s problem. Entirely. The men that do that need to grow up. It is a business arrangement.

    If I go to a concert and love the concert then I leave happy with what I received. The artists delivered on the ticket. They put on a professional show that satisfied or exceeded my expectations and provided for a good experience.

    If I fall in love with a band member based upon being a concert goer than I am an idiot. Even if the band says we love you Portland. They aren’t really in love with the audience. Even if a member of the audience feels a connection with the band. There isn’t one in reverse. It is understandable that teenagers feel an unrealistic connection to performers. Grown men who hire escorts and get their little feelings hurt because they over attached. They need to grow up.

  23. Paul, Part 2.

    You are the cliche customer. One all self righteous, all ready to explain to someone who is a professional in an industry that you are just a customer how you feel they should do their jobs.

    You are akin to the idiot who lectures a flight attendant on what he believes he should receive for service and that she is a waitress. When waitress is about 3 percent of her job.

    Lose the arrogance sweat pea. You don’t know what you are talking about when it comes to escorts and you highlight that with your response that didn’t match the topic, that is absurdly incorrect in it’s assumptions and that is grandiose and self important with false sense of understanding.

    Being a customer doesn’t qualify you to give business advice to a professional in any industry. Your petty, childishly self important and is a pathetic defense of grown men that can’t understand a professional relationship.

    Not the escort’s problem when the men are emotional teenagers that need their little feelings protected. An escort is a performer. Not a a clients mama.

    If I offended you. Tough shit. You brought it on yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you. The customer isn’t always right and just because a customer believes they are entitled to something doesn’t mean they are.

  24. Amanda,

    Paul is a pathetic self absorbed man who doesn’t understand humor, sees the world as victimizing defenseless helpless men. God forbid that someone expose ripoff clients. Don’t do that according to Paul. That might hurt their feelings…….

    Paul has a mama complex. The world has to be like mama. Tell poor men they are loved, they are taken care of, tell them it’s going to be ok, smooth their little feelings out. He is cliche of men that don’t realize life changed when they moved out of their house at 18. Or in Pauls case probably 29, and that there isn’t mommy to put oitment on their little boo boos or go talk to whoever is picking on their precious son.

    If you want clients like Paul and those he defends open a fetish business for adult day care where they can be treated like children. It’s ok Paul, sweetie, you’re loved. You are perfect just the way you are………

    makes me sick.

  25. Jill takes aim and fires. Still calculating the tonnage of that payload.

    Though Jill and I approach our work differently, we’re both in agreement that Paul fails reading comprehension and maybe has some issues to work out in regards to NSA sex (much less the paid kind).

  26. Paul will probably want the UN to sanction me for picking on a defenseless, cute little pudding head because his mama called him that so all women have to…….

  27. Paul – Your first paragraph and last sentence are absurdly unrealistic. Everyone has gripes about their occupation – sometimes good-natured, sometimes wistful, sometimes embittered. Naturally, they often commiserate with those in the same occupation, since that is who will usually best understand. This is universal among peoples and occupations – is it fundamentally any different if by blog rather than by mouth? Most people in most jobs know they have to take the occasional lumps with the gravy.

    If sex work is different from other occupations, it is in that although men who exhibit this wanker-behavior with sex workers also tend to do so in their other interactions (to the extent they think they can get away with it), with sex workers they often feel more confident that they can act like a wanker without consequences (and so act shocked and outraged when the sex worker won’t put up with it), and they are likely to act like wankers to a worse degree or with more prevalence.

    What does interacting with a sex worker have to do with simulation? What is simulated about spending real, green money and having actual conversation, (perhaps) sex and other activities with a real, attractive, interesting, amusing woman? Don’t (or shouldn’t) those things arouse and invigorate mind, body, soul and all five senses? What other activity, with who else, would do that? Isn’t it a really rewarding & enjoyable part of life to make those types of acquaintances, and be good, amusing, mutually-beneficial company to each other, from time to time? What person pushes all of his or her relationships with others until they burst?

    “It means nothing but business to you …” What the devil else would you expect it to be? Do you expect every sex worker to fall heads over heels in love (or in lust) with their every client? Or only with you? And if she doesn’t, she’s just a walking, talking money vacuum? I would turn it around: to the prospective client you describe, the encounter is nothing but another misdirected, ill-fated waste of a bit of his money; for her, it’s much more important – her means of survival and existence. As I’ve said before, if the client realizes this, and treats the lady with respect, he will have a far greater chance of getting what he actually craves.

  28. Lee — I’ve missed you! As always, you’re spot on and eloquent.

    You made an excellent point: the men like Paul are the ones who reduce the experience to a transaction with their provider, yet get terribly upset if she views it the same.

    Like in most things with life, especially in dealing with other humans, you get what you give.

  29. Responds to advertisement placed by accountant offering tax return advice. Asks for personal training session. When informed that accountant does not offer that service and reminded that the advertisement he referred to clearly described the tax return service on offer, he demands the personal training session be provided because “all the other accountants do personal training sessions”.

    Also:

    Goes to restaurant. Orders $100 meal, but only wants to pay $50 on the basis that he eats regularly at another restaurant.

    1. HexyHex — YES!!! (Especially if he goes to steakhouse and orders $100 meal, but the restaurant he normally eats at is a local Chinese takeout because of course they’re exactly the same.)

  30. Amanda, this post is right on!

    Yes, escorts do often blog about industry-related problems. But this post is not about ACTUAL clients; the aforementioned will never get a date with an escort. Why? Because he clearly doesn’t respect the transaction.

    Yes, we are aware of the “vulnerability” and mental state of many men out there, however we owe NOTHING to those to write us requesting discounts or making demands in their very first contact.

    If anything, this entry might make some readers realize how silly & fruitless their actions are. I recently wrote a blog educating potential clients on how to write a perfect first-contact email to an escort. In any industry, clients need to be educated about the service so they can proceed correctly.

    @Paul – This post was meant to be funny. Just laugh already!

  31. PS: Just read Kitchen Muse’s post and it’s a good read:
    http://cookingcourtesan.blogspot.com/2012/04/contacting-new-york-escort-101-write.html

    Notice how the first guy thinks an escort MUST have a disclaimer that she doesn’t lower her rates, that she wishes to have her hair/makeup/bedding destroyed with baby oil (not to mention possibly getting hurt during an amateur massage), that chocolate is the same as cash, and that she’s willing to hand over her soul for it all. Oh, and that he’s showing his sense of humor (he is, it’s just not funny or charming). Just because a lady is classy doesn’t mean she’ll only attract those type.

  32. All the comparisons you have made are to lawful industries.

    If you take business into your own hands and decide to run a criminal enterprise (prostitute yourself) it’s no longer the public’s responsibility to provide that framework of moral/behavioural standards.

    tldr; You don’t pay tax or run a legal enterprise, you probably make more money than any of your legally employed friends, STFU whore.

    For the record, I’m all for legalising prostitution. I have never used a prostitute but wouldn’t necessarily be against it.

  33. Amanda, I started working as an escort late last year and your books were incredibly helpful in getting me started. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the information! Whereas I already had a full time job, it was not sufficient to support myself in this economy. Your books were a godsend.

    I enjoy reading your blog as well. Keep up the good work and thanks again!

  34. Lively discussion. I agree with Lee’s post too. Everybody gripes about bad clients or customers no matter the field of industry. Some seem to be taking offense from this humorous post because it is coming from strong independent women. The last part about it being a business transaction, is also totally understandable too. In my opinion because an escort puts everything out there for a client, this serves as both a physical and emotional shield.

  35. Michael — Yes, I’ve gotten emails about bad clients from plenty of other businesses. Stupidity doesn’t restrain itself to the escort field but hey, it made for a fun post.

    I think those who are taking it the wrong way are perhaps those who have said these things themselves. Clients who don’t think this way just see this as humourous and not personal.

    Like anything involving money, sure, it’s a business transaction (and moreso for some girls than others). But it’s still very personal for both parties because it does involve emotions and the physical body. Respecting that is a lesson some men could try to learn.

  36. Nico, Here is an acronym for you.SIUYMFA. Then again, your beta male whiny BS smacks of a fragile man, afraid of women, attempting to top from the bottom with cliches about legalism and the use of the word whore as an insult. Back to the SIUYMFA. You probably have had it that way plenty of times and mama is probably the operating system your personality uses.

  37. This is the funniest thing you’ve written. As for the guy who thinks it’s unprofessional I’ve read blogs from accountants, private equity firm employees, photographers, lawyers, and caterers who have made fun of the stupid things their clients say and expect. Why not entertain people with a little insight to the behind-the-scenes world of an escort? No names were used, no harm was done, and a lot of people got a good laugh.

  38. I’m curious about why it upsets nico so much that you’re a whore. Do you think it’s unrequited love? Or do you think he’s just a 12 year old who doesn’t understand the complexities that exist in the real world yet? Those who know we are whores aren’t offended by the word. The fact is the truth doesn’t actually hurt, it’s trying to hide from the truth that hurts. Stop hiding nico. Sometimes the people you like the most will do things you find appalling. If you’re mature enough you’ll realize that just because you disagree about something, it doesn’t make them a bad person, or unworthy of being treated fairly.

  39. Anna — Thank you! It makes me giggle every time I read it too.

    ANY business that deals with the general public gets stupid responses and of course none of these are identifiable in any way because these have all been mentioned multiple times in multiple ways over the years. So it’s not just one guy who said something like this. (Anyone ever seen the notes from parents that teachers circulate? Puts this list to shame.)

    My mom isn’t too upset, neither is my boyfriend or doctor, so I’m not sure why Nico is so upset to discover that I’m a whore. It’s not like I’m hiding anything here. Mostly, I love that he commands me to shut up ON MY OWN BLOG!!!

  40. Your post on this subject is hilarious! I am a cam girl, and the comments are very similar to what I hear when I’m on the job. It amazes me the words STFU, whore, and skank are the repetitive terms used in their simple language to hurt or bruise a woman’s ego or self being. Where as in camming I can smart back asking if they have a thesaurus to come up with a synonym to “whore”, so they can at least be a bit individualized from the mass. Also, I’m eagerly waiting on your books to ship out to me, great blog btw!

  41. Roflcopter — Once again, doesn’t matter what the business is. I have to wonder why some men feel the need to be ugly to women who are more than willing to assist in their needs/desires. What good does that do???

    Indeed, if they’re online already, it’s pretty easy to Google for synonyms!

    Thank you for being a reader!!!

  42. Wonderful post, Ms. Brooks! If I may, I have a variation on the “idiot client”:

    Idiot: Hi, I’m in town for the night and I want to see a big smash Broadway show! Do you have any reviews in the New York Times?

    Me: Oh no sir, we are a small community theater company. But we are very well reviewed in our small local paper. Here, let me send you the link to our reviews–

    Idiot: WHY DON’T YOU HAVE REVIEWS IN THE NEW YORK TIMES????

    Me: Because we’re not a big corporation, we run locally, we are only part time, and we do theater because we enjoy it. Here, here is the link to our reviews in our smaller local papers–

    Idiot: If you don’t have reviews in the New York Times, you must be a SHAM!! How do I know you’re a REAL theater company if you don’t have reviews on a great big website!!! I am far too important a person to waste a nanosecond clicking a link to another site! I bet you’re not even a real actor– you’re posing as one to get me in trouble!! I don’t care about your piddly little small-town newspaper! I want a BIG BROADWAY SHOW!!

    Me: Well then Sir, I suggest you go see a Big Broadway Show and leave my little theater company alone.

  43. Ivy — Brilliant! That’s not one I’ve heard before but somehow, I’m not surprised. I get the “logic” because it meshes so well with the rest.

    I have myself encountered resistance to link-clicking from clients, even to things like my FAQ page. [shakes head]

  44. LOL! Thank you 🙂 Yes, this just happened to me last night. It seems that a well-meaning person wrote a review of me on TER, even though I choose not to advertise there for a variety of reasons– That’s How Mr. Idiot found me, went to my website, and decided to delight me with his…. well, ok, nothing delighted me about him, lol. When he insisted that he read more than one review (which is perfectly reasonable), I tried to direct him to the review site that I use, have 5 stars across the board, and am very happy with. Because he wasn’t familiar with it and didn’t have a membership, that was somehow MY shortcoming, and he accused me of being all sorts of things (LE being one). Needless to say, he did NOT enjoy my company last evening. And I really didn’t lose a lot of sleep over it.

  45. Ivy — I can’t even begin to fathom the logic. There is not a single major review site, on any topic, filled with reviews by random reviewers whom I don’t know anyway, that I trust more than another. Though I certainly understand that some businesses prefer to have all their reviews on one site more than another. I always feel that’s part of their marketing and I’ve always been fine with it. In this realm, it certainly stands to reason that ladies have a preference of one review site over another based on their own comfort level (or marketing, or whatever).

  46. Amanda and Jill, this is really great!

    What Paul and Nico are trying to say is, “but you make soooo much money as a whore, you should be happy to put up with anything we ask you to do? You make soooo much money how can you refuse to do anything I ask you to do? And because your a whore who makes sooo much money, you have no right to complain about anything!”

    These attitudes are unbelievable and some of the worst things we have to deal with yet you ladies have made them enjoyable!

    Thank You!

  47. 20 something yr old goes calls a rental apartment to see what might be available. He is informed very nicely that the apartments are only rented to older people, the 50+ and the rate listed is for that age group. He tells the apt manager that he loves senior living apartments and why can’t he rent one, his money is just as good as the older renters. Again the apt manager tells him the apartments are only for older tenants, not young renters. At this point the guy tells the apt manager her apartments are old, falling apart and no one in their right mind would want to rent them when he can rent something much newer and prettier for the same price or less than the senior apartments are renting for.

  48. Fallon — Maybe the attitude is more “You make so much of MY money that you should do anything I ask!” I often get the feeling that these types think paying money to a person entitles one to get anything they want, without reason. They would probably happily be slave owners.

    Though men do seem jealous of this particular work, because they assume we all have appointments 24/7 and have all the wild fantasy sex they see on porn, with equally skilled and attractive partners. They fail to understand porn is not a documentary.

    Naomi — Ha! I and my friends have gotten that, almost word for word. You speak from experience, I can tell. 🙂

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