life, death, and trust

This is the far more spectacular story I once promised to tell.

I began this history in mid-May, when Jill received her terminal diagnosis. Jill has read this fully and contributed. To the disappointment of many, she hasn’t yet dropped dead. But we have both decided it is time to make public the true story of why and how she is dying. This story started as something else. Not a eulogy, not a memorial, a written memento mori of incidents and echoes.

If there is purpose in all of this, I leave it to someone else to find.

This is what Jill wants to be said, what I want to say, for now, so that it is said.

The history begins and ends with Jill.

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porn vs brothels

Two porn actors have recently tested positive for HIV. There is lots of talk about mandatory condom use on set. Most porn actors who have spoken to the media are against it.

The only other legal sex-for-money system in the US are the Nevada brothels. Like porn, they regularly test for STIs, though the brothel I worked for did not test for herpes and Hepatitis C. Porn does not test for herpes and Hep C. Porn is ramping up to a 2-week testing cycle, brothel testing is weekly. Brothels have mandatory condom use. Porn’s condom usage is all over the place. Condoms are a regular sight in gay porn but not mandatory. In heterosexual porn, some companies require condom usage, some leave it to the discretion of the performer and some seem not to give the performer a choice. Unlike porn, where the actors go home after work, about half of NV’s brothels are lockdown.

Why are legal prostitutes regulated to the nth degree but legal porn actors are not?

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things i’ve learned from movies and tv

— Characters never shut doors. The only time they shut a door is if it’s a plot point. It’s like they didn’t grow up with parents who were concerned about heating/cooling the outdoors, or their parents enjoyed paying inflated electric bills. If bad guys are chasing me, I’m going to take an extra split second to close the door behind me so they can’t tell exactly which way I went.

— Ever since the success of Pirates of the Caribbean, any slightly disreputable character named Jack must have some association with alcohol and wear black eyeliner.

— The average teenager is incredibly erudite when writing in their personal diary, as opposed to their postings on Twitter, Facebook or personal, public blogs.

— Nearly everyone owns the exact rectangular, powder-blue plastic laundry basket that I do.

— Gunshots don’t hurt unless pain and/or death is a plot point. To avoid painful gunshots, don’t be an expendable character. Or, don’t be a main character who requires pain and/or death to move the story forward.

— You don’t have to train or even wear running shoes if you want to chase someone through miles of city streets or woods at top speed. Just go!

— You only lose cell reception if it’s a major plot point, otherwise your phone should work everywhere in the universe.

— Sustained screaming is the normal reaction to any emergency situation, and nobody remembers 911 unless it’s a major plot point. Corollary: see above.

— It doesn’t matter if you’re in another country, if someone is pawing through your desk drawer or closet, you will suddenly, silently, appear behind them.

— People enjoy creating awkward silences, broken only by penetrating, hurtful insight of each other. Witty retorts never come to characters at 3am but at perfectly-timed moments. Everyone remembers everyone else’s deep dark secrets in minute detail. Entire lives are shaped by 1-3 major childhood events involving the other major characters.

— Women fall in love with the men who annoy them most. They also fall in love with stalkers. It usually takes one hour to three days for a woman to fall in love for life.

— Prostitutes never have “normal” clients, they all seem to come from Planet Weird.

— Prostitutes have never had anyone in their entire lives who loves them other than a loser character. They also have zero standards, despite having been with countless men and likely seeing both the best and worst sides of mankind. This life experience leaves them in an emotional fugue state, in which they’re vulnerable to very lame pickup lines and no emotional depth from their hero.

— You can disappear for decades, return to your family, and get all caught up with about two pages of dialogue.

— The Strip in Las Vegas is only, like, one mile long and has over 100 casinos that change locations. Racing the Strip at top speed is so tempting since there’s never any traffic. It’s also really easy to land a plane on the Strip. Bothering with the actual airport is a waste of time because it’s so far out of town.

— The only time being in a car crash affects you is if it’s a major plot point or you’re expendable. That neck-snapping motion you see onscreen isn’t severe whiplash, it’s just a “jolt” and it never affects anyone.

— Whenever a phone rings, don’t answer it! Just stare at it in horror/wonder/surprise. Doing this allows you to psychically figure out who is calling you and why before you ever pick up the phone (with trembling hands, of course). You’ll never receive a phone call from a bill collector, telemarketer, appointment confirmation, wrong number or a relative who isn’t a main character.

— Settling into a new abode is easy. You live out of a suitcase and never unpack. Or mysterious beings unpack a 10-room house overnight and everything is in place.

— Special Wiseguy mention: making sure all the letters of your government agency name fall on either side of the doorway isn’t a concern. Just let that E hang out there and hope no one bumps their head on it. Go to 0:21 to see it in all it’s alphabet glory.

longer tweeting II

Created Nov 15, 2010
I’m going to name my next escort persona Betsy. She’ll offer golden showers and be Betsy Wetsy.

After a long private discussion on creating a test-persona for international work, I was stumped on a name. Many suggestions were made and then I came up with this one. I thought it was funny enough to Tweet and strangely, it actually grossed some out. I’m not sure why, doesn’t everyone remember the Betsy Wetsy dolls? I never had one but the name has always stuck in my head.

I still think this is funny. Escorting doesn’t have to be all serious, all the time.

Created Oct 30, 2010
Dudes — don’t wear your “No Money No Honey” t-shirt when you’re out with your girlfriend and into heavy PDA.

In Singapore, the phrase “No Money No Honey” is synonymous with prostitution. While I feel the phrase is self-explanatory, it’s popularity seems to be mostly due to a book written by an English journalist describing the huge prostitution scene in Singapore. Yes, I saw several of these t-shirts for sale and wanted to buy one but never did. However, I think my Tweet speaks for itself (the kids mentioned in my Tweet were teens and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t a hooker and he wasn’t a client).

Created Sep 26, 2010
@EroticPreview Try London, Rio, Tokyo, Hong Kong or Singapore for serious shopping! 🙂

I was responding to another escort who wanted tips on great places to shop. This innocent Tweet sparked a semi-argument because she wouldn’t go to Asia because she was black and feared prejudice. She took offense that I wasn’t taking her ethnicity into consideration when I made my suggestions (I hadn’t realized I should).

Let me reassure everyone, especially black people, that Asians generally dislike anyone who is not from their specific country. I really don’t know that American blacks would get worse treatment than, say, Bangladeshis. Being Western gives some status, though being female lowers your status more than your race will.

Created Sep 27, 2010
In case you ever wondered: my breakfast every day http://bit.ly/b3ygwe and my favorite poster in Singapore http://bit.ly/bcfV3r

I still miss kaya toast and muddy river-water tea (one write referred to it that way and he was corrrect). My favorite place offered this breakfast for $2SGD, which is less than $2USD. A great, tasty deal no matter where in the world you are. [Since the first link no longer works, here’s photo of the kaya toast breakfast set like I had.]

Kaya toast is served with a giant pat of butter on each piece of toast. I always requested it without butter and rarely could they understand my insanity. When I ate somewhere other than my usual place (the counter ladies had become accustomed to my weirdness), I often got butter anyway, or toast with only butter, or toast with nothing. Once, I watched the counter boy remake my toast three times in an attempt to get my order correct and when he finally gave it to me, it had butter on it. He was exhausted and stressed, I smiled and said “Thank you” anyway.

Yes, they strained the tea through a long piece of pantyhose (the “sock”). It worked well and was always fun to watch. A street-level art form, I never got tired of the ritual of preparing the tea. The tea always perked me up in the mornings. My heart needed the extra push to be able to pump through the sludge of kaya blocking my ateries, I’m sure.

Oh. A word on eggs. While the Chinese have had chickens for hundreds, if not thousands, of years, they have not yet figured out how to boil an egg. The first few days in Singapore I was confused when I hungrily cracked open my breakfast eggs. Then I learned to simply ask them to “boil” for 6 or 8 minutes instead of their usual 2-4. “Boiling” means they put the eggs in a small container of very hot water, cover it with a plate and let it sit. I never got an actual boiled egg in Asia but I learned to live with the yolks just hard enough to pick out when I broke the egg. It does take some time to get used to the texture of semi-warmed whites. I’ll just leave it at that.

Created 21 Nov 11
@Ishfery Coming soon…serious work begins in Jan 2012. Finally.

That was in response to a question about Book 3. Ahem.

No, the serious work did not start January of 2012. Sorry.

just pay her

So, a bunch of over-privileged dudes rips off a sex worker for $50 and complains that she stole a bunch of stuff. Reminds of some other guys who were haggling over price.

Seriously, how hard is it to just pay her? Paying people money for the work they did makes them happy. Doesn’t matter if the agreed rate is $50 or $500, just pay as agreed and everyone gets to quietly go back to their lives. A really simple concept.

If, for some reason, you don’t have the money in the first place, then don’t play until you do. (Kind of like a casino.)

This is a local story and caught my attention. That they were stupid enough to leave her in their house after they ripped her off makes me laugh. I hope she put them all on National Blacklist. Will look great when potential employers Google their names. Someone who is willing to steal a mere $50 from another person who provided exactly what was requested shouldn’t be trusted with more than a mop and mop bucket.

This also illustrates why so many girls have a “30 and over” rule and why it’s traditional to collect the money first.