As some of you noticed (thank you!), I just turned 35. If you haven’t noticed, well, now you know. I didn’t think much of it, actually. Was just surprised the date rolled around so fast, October 2009 was really only like 2 months ago, right??? (My mom, always good for a thought, cheerfully reminded me that I’m halfway to 70. I’ll have to put that in my ad text.)

What I didn’t expect was the little “ouch” of putting that extra year into my ads. Unlike many and unlike what I used to do, I don’t lie about my age right now. I certainly could — I could easily get away with 8-10yrs younger. But why? I don’t fake orgasms, I am how old I am. I really don’t have a lot of choice in the matter (I’m either this old or I’m dead).

I experienced ageism back when I was a young and tender 33. At the advanced age of 35 I think people are just throwing their hands into the air and giving up (I found an escort today who won’t exchange links with anyone over 33). In Asia where everyone looks very young and the most common escorts are young, it can be difficult to be honest about age (very difficult to be okay being an XXL in local clothing sizes, which translates into a US size 6-8, depending.)

There have been potential clients who have passed me up because I’ve gone around the sun too many times. Then there are younger guys who seem to expect me to literally be a cougar: pin them to the bed, open my claws and have my way with them (this is my style about as often as the planets align). I present myself honestly on my website and ads, yet guys are still often surprised by me one way or another. I look just like my photos, except that I’m not as tanned right now (the French Riviera was good for that, if nothing else).

I’m not a MILF — I have no children. I’m not a cougar — I feel I’m just barely out of girlhood, really. I’m just 35. That’s all. It’s how old I happen to be.

When I feel too down, I remember that my peers are Kate Winslet, Angelina Jolie and Eva Mendes. Okay, I have a lot more peers than them, but they’re the ones I like to point to. (They give me hope that if I can afford expensive beauty treatments, personal trainers and nutritionists I could look like them too!)

international ageism

Many Eastern men seem to feel that 35 = something simultaneously repulsive and terrifying. Aussies don’t seem to really care after looking at my pix — smart men. US men have exactly the right attitude — they’re looking at personality over mere appearance. Age is nothing but a number to most of the US. Escorts my age and older are very common and successful in the US. Not quite so in the rest of the world. I have considered leaving my age completely off everything but I know I’m going to be asked. Might as well get it out front and scare away the easily-scared.

Ageism exists in the US too but it’s not as cut-and-dry as the rest of the world (Europe/UK seem similar to the US). Men in the US also seem to like older, experienced women. This is one big credit to the American culture. We are very much an individualistic, cult-of-personality culture. This is a boon for escorts. Not so great if you’re not big on Sarah Palin’s politics.

physical effects

I admit to worrying about falling body parts. I do not have the same physique as when I was in my early/mid-20s dancing 7hr shifts 4-6 nights a week and eating about 2 meals/day. My body does not process carbs like it used to (damnit). The SE Asian diet — yummy as it is — is not easily compatible with staying svelte if you’re a Westerner. SE Asia’s humidity has done wonders for my skin though; I feel I look younger than I did after living in CA/NV for a few years. My breasts are still quite recognizable from my 20s but I wonder more and more if I might succumb to a boob job someday. My butt…well, I no longer have the booty of my 20s, which I sorely miss and am now incorporating squats into my workouts. I haven’t felt the compulsion to do more to my face than buy expensive serums and try to avoid the sun. Oh, and I periodically whiten my very American teeth with whitening strips. I keep wondering if I should be doing more though, if I’m going to hit a “wall” and age 20 years overnight, if I’m supposed to be getting surgery and laser and all sorts of things done (I know much younger escorts who already are doing stuff). Then I wonder — why? Then I wonder — why not? And we’re back to the beginning of the physical-aging-worry loop.

Always happy to nap, I am aware that I like my sleep more and more. My body likes to snooze and it likes to snooze at night, all night. I couldn’t be a night-shift stripper anymore even if I wanted to. I guess that could be a selling point; overnights with much older men would be a snooze/snuggle -fest for both of us. On the other hand, I run as often as I can and love it. I run well and even do sprints every now and then (please don’t clock me). Don’t think that’s a bad sign!

I am finding it funny that suddenly men over 40 have become attractive to me; only a couple years ago I gave a friend a weird look when she claimed she liked men in their late 40s/early 50s (she is a few years older than me). I can imagine her saying “I told you!”

aging sex worker

All this preoccupation with my physical self is part of the job. It’s part of being an aging female. It’s part of my age-anxiety magnified in a culture and occupation that is youth-obsessed. Age is indeed just a number, but one everyone has ideas about. I do too. I try not to see clients under 30 if I can help it. Mentally, they’re just not what I want to deal with. (And occasionally feeling like a child molester doesn’t turn me on either.)

There might be some stigma that I’m just “too old” to be doing this for a living and I need to “grow up.” I’m quite possibly a perennial bachelor, just like George Clooney or any number of successful businessmen (not sure what you call a female bachelor). Sometimes I get very tired of the tedious admin side of escort work and would like to spend more time on my books and activism — these are meaningful pursuits in my life. Other times, the freedom and frivolity of escort work is exactly the mental break I need (and often there are very real lessons to be learned). Sometimes I think I have a limited amount of time to make serious money, other times I realize it’s infinite. Even when I’m 50 I’ll still be way younger than an 80yr old man.

While I often feel a bit odd in my travels: not a backpacker, not a corporate-whatever, an older single female roaming around — I’m not done. Not by a long shot. I’ve waited all my life for this (well, 25 years of it) and who knows if I’ll have this chance again. This isn’t a mid-life crisis, I’m doing my work every day and most days not enough of it. I may not be quite “grown up” but if that means children, upside-down mortgage, bad marriage, soul-sucking job — then please let me be not-grown-up forever.

My sex work role model in this is my friend Casey. She is honest about her age and life experiences. Along with being an overly-talented writer, she’s confronted issues of ageism head-on (and wrote an article about it for $pread). She is in the US, of course. Still, I think I might not do badly to take a page from her book and quit apologizing for having been around for 35 years. I’ve noticed a few more escorts on Eros (US cities) are now posting their true ages: late 30s, early 40s. I applaud every one of these ladies.

life

The old adage of “it’s not the years, it’s the miles” is true too. Internally, I feel the miles; some days I really feel them in a negative way. Externally, I (apparently) walk around with this innocent, dumb, lost expression. So I’m guessing the miles aren’t showing.

A friend of mine older than I read this essay and commented she feels stronger and more secure now in her 40s than she ever did in her 20s. Her comment: “life is strange and doesn’t always work chronologically at all.”

I think so.

39 thoughts on “my advancing decrepitude

  1. “When a child, time moves as molasses. When an adult, time moves as a raging river”. Wait another 20-30 years and each year seems as if it is only 30-60 days. But, considering the alternative, everyday above ground, vertical, respirating on your own, and able to feed yourself is a GREAT DAY!!

  2. I don’t know whether that’s any consolation to you, but an old buddy of mine was 52 when I hit 35 (a long time ago), and I still remember him saying one day that he would “eat a turd to be 35 again”. 🙂

    I face some of the same preconceptions in my job (not an escort!), so I can relate and have taken to disclosing as little as possible. Need-to-know basis, and I’m too atypical to let numbers define me anyway.
    But your take that if a 35 year-old is going to freak them out, you might as well keep them from calling in the first place, makes perfect sense.

    When it comes to fairly irrelevant details like age, I’m reminded of Rolls-Royce’s old policy of not divulging horsepower numbers (I just checked their site and they do tell now, as they should because they kick some serious butt). The way they looked at it was that if a potential customer was to be swayed by such vulgar and meaningless considerations as 5 mph in top speed or 10 HP, they were welcome to look elsewhere and pass on the R-R experience. So when pressed, they’d simply say that their power was “sufficient” (love it).

    Talking about actresses who still have it… Forget the kids you mentioned, have you looked at Susan Sarandon, Catherine Deneuve or Helen Mirren lately?

    You have a lot of GOOD years ahead of yourself. Oh, and happy belated B-day!

  3. It is a different kettle of fish for us Working Girls, because we are our own product. We have to look good, and take reasonable care of ourselves.

    I am older than you and I find that if I spend too much time looking in the mirror in a critical way, it affects my self esteem, so I try not to.

    i accept the fact that I am not as slim as I was when I was younger, but I embrace the fact that my body is a huge part of me and as such, shapes my character into the woman I am today.

    Age? I find it seems to be the ‘other person’ who is more judgemental i.e. your punter who would not see a WG over a certain age/dress size/whatever.

    They have the problem and not me, but then again, they are doing me a huge favour by not seeing me. I would much rather not be the recipient of someone else’s projected ‘isms’

    Bravo the older Working Girl, she is comfortable and knows what she likes, can hold down a conversation, has lived a life, and can empathise with her client as well as offering a damn good service is what I say…… 🙂

    LOL

  4. I dont care how old you are. You are intelligent, have a quick and somewhat sarcastic wit, and an amazing smile. Those in addition to what you told me off-line, makes you attractive and “desireable” in my eyes, and i dont believe for a second any of those will change with age.

  5. I can honestly say that my taste is to the younger, small escorts. Like I tell every one, skinny white girls turn me on, but that is just me.

    The problem I find is that,in general, escorts:

    #1. They lie about their age.
    #2. Photo’s are old. (50 pounds old in some cases)
    #3. Don’t take care of themselves, (good teeth are a big thing for me).

    I read reviews (which are now always honest either) and research before I meet someone. Even with all my research I usually am met with someone who is not as they advertised. If I meet someone who was less than honest, I am VERY honest in letting them know about it. Not rude, just honest.

    I appreciate when I someone describes them self with 100% honesty.

    However, my attraction is to youth. 20-30 years old, and I screen any potential new escort for those parameters. This is a fantasy game for me, and that is my fantasy.

    HOWEVER, my regular provider is over 30, and she is a dream. Very real, very honest, very good at what she does. No drama and always a great time.

  6. Personally I don’t care how old or young anyone is. I remember a comment once where I was described as some who liked good mind! Took me a while to work it out but got it in the end. I want to talk to someone actively pursuing their life. I want to talk to someone that has spirit and a fire in their belly. I want to talk to the person that is passionate about something.

    Amanda you are all of those things. Yeah you’ve got some miles but you’ve got some great stories. You are experiencing a life. A life not everyone gets to experience. I am blessed to get to experience part of life with you but what I want to share with everyone is my email signature.

    “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the places and moments that take our breath away.
    Anonymous”

    We should not measure life in years. We should just be. Love and embrace our fantasies, flaws and fetishes. We should all keep the dreams of Peter Pann not growing up alive. I know I do, They will never take me alive into the adult world.

    Thanks for constantly taking our breath away.

  7. Again a great post, love to read you Amanda 🙂 Furthermore, everything said is so true especially about this industry being youth-obsessed. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I wish you to be successful with those who appreciate you as a person and not as a walking age number 🙂

  8. Larry,

    Too true! I know how LONG every single school year felt as a kid. And you’re right — every day I get to do what I want is a great day. 🙂

    Hobbyist,

    So I should appreciate that I don’t have to wish to eat turds right now?? 🙂

    I’ve tried not disclosing but they ask anyway. If they’re asking, it means they’re going to walk if they hear anything over 25. I love your Rolls Royce story. That’s something I’m going to have to use. People will laugh at this — but sometimes I don’t have enough attitude.

    You might not think she’s too old, I think Monica Bellucci is extremely hot and likely to stay that way.

    Thank you and thank you!

    Sarah,

    Bravo indeed!!

    Yeah, the mirror is mostly a tool, not a piece of art in my house 😉 . On the other hand, I’ve noticed I have very small smile-lines around my mouth now. I love them because FINALLY I look like I’m older than 21.

    Ant,

    Nope, the inside just ages better and better. Thank you.

    Kenny,

    Fair enough. And I agree about the dishonesty as well. I’m quite upfront, though I’m consistently told I look a decade younger than I am. So yeah, I could lie and completely get away with it until I open my mouth. I don’t sound like a 25yr old and I don’t act like one.

    I (and probably Hobbyist) are laughing that your regular girl is over 30. Of course!!

    Flatmate,

    Thank you. Passion or rants? I’m laughing.

    It is funny that people use “Peter Pan” as an insult. I’m wondering if very old people would agree or not. I’m thinking not.

    Alicia,

    Thank you!

    The industry is not quite so youth-obsessed in the US. Not compared to the rest of the world. But thank god the rest of the world is full of unique individuals who don’t always follow the same drum as everyone else.

    XX

  9. Dear Amanda:

    First of all, you look great. In fact, you can be mistaken as a twentish woman.

    Now, age is only a matter of digits (yes, I know this a boring line repeated time and time again, but I am honest). But, what is important is the emotional maturity. People can be 50 years and yet, not grown up emotionally. You have shown admirable courage in being who you are, what you really want to be, going beyond your personal needs and doing advocacy work. Honestly, not many of us are willing to invest time and energy to undertaking worthy causes. We are a world unto our own. But, here you are, displaying remarkable wit, knowledge, wisdom.

    I am happy to say that in you, I have found a great person – beautiful, intellectual, honest and full of zest for life. You have certainly enriched my life even if we have not met.

    My birthday greetings to you. Be happy, smile always, an,d we are here if you need to comfort you in your moments of needs.

    By the way, I am 46 years old and am sure you will find me “attractive” (emotionally and intellectually at least). And hey, I hope you did not lump an Indian like me into the eastern block who think being 35 is old.

    A birthday poem for you.

    Beauty

    Your eyes …They are a sight to behold
    For in them, I see the angel of my life unfold

    Smile…Your smile is every poet’s dream of the perfect beauty,
    Hoping, hoping that it stays that way forever,
    For, a more perfect beauty, he will never discover

    Voice…Your voice brings cheers when I am down,
    Hope when I am in despair, and smile when I am in tears,
    For without it, I will crumble in my fears.

    Poise…Your beautiful poise breezes with touch gentle,
    And it ravages my world as a sweet angel.

    Laughter…Your laughter charms me to no end,
    It makes me hope it will never end

    Love…Your love is heaven on earth,
    For, you are GOD’s answer to earth’s quest for beauty and love.

    God created you with the angel’s sense of beauty, a saint’s capacity for unremitted love, a child’s sense of innocence, and, a mother’s ability to sooth wounded hearts.

    Your beautiful flame will forever be……

  10. Sure ant, I would love to meet you (I think you meant me?)..Apologies if I am mistaken. I live in Singapore though I do have to travel to countries in Southeast Asia, South Asia and China as part of my development work projects.

    Cheers.

  11. The old adage of “Youth is wasted on the Young” seems particularly applicable. I’m in my 20s and almost wish I could be as aware of the values of this age range right now. I can’t help but feel something is missing for myself- like there’s just something that hasn’t quite “clicked” for me yet. And even though you’re taking the approach that 35 has definitely been a little wake up call… I admire that a lot! Its a self awareness that I can only hope to achieve with time. Keep on trucking~

  12. Peter, Thank you.

    Ant, I’m not dead, you know. It’s a possibility. 🙂

    Bee, And I’ve always said that money is wasted on the old! Anyway, enjoy yourself where you are. Live life — you’ll get the depth. Take care of yourself while taking (calculated) risks. Self-awareness is great up till the point where it causes insomnia. 🙂

    XX

  13. Dear Bee:

    It is a phase we all go through. What is important though is that we can look back and acknowledge our mistakes honestly and mature in the process. Everyday is a learning mement, to treaure the people, opportunities out there etc instead of blaming the government, racism, people. Yes, such forces exists but when have they not in the history of humanity? Live your life, make full use of your talents, be it in your family, community, country, or the globe. We want to be remembered for what did to make the world a better place when we leave, and not just for idle thoughts.

    Cheers.

  14. You’re totally hot and I don’t know what you’re talking about implying that your ass needs squats! I thought you were in your twenties when I met you.

    I agree that there are many “older” women–certainly dancers–in the sex industry in their 30’s and even 40’s who are successful but honestly, from what I see, the succesful ones at up-market clubs look younger than their years (i.e: slim, fit, firm breasts). As an “older” dancer I’ve found there are plenty of men–younger and older–who think I’m hot and never mention age. I don’t mention age either. I see myself as hot, but then again, I’m honest enough with myself to admit if something needs toning when I’ve been too lazy. I just don’t see age as an honest assessment of my hotness. I see my fitness as a benchmark. But then again, I wouldn’t do well at a club that specializes in 20 yr old dancers. I guess we all have our place in the scheme of things.

  15. Belated Happy Birthday Amanda!
    As a pending geriatric…I’ve been pondering this whole thing for a while now -;) It is interesting getting older, it has its challenges and it has its high spots.
    I walked in to take over a new workplace the other day. About two thirds of the team are about the same age as my son…that was an interesting thought. What was more interesting was that I had some insight into how their thinking works – I’ve been watching it at close hand for a while now!
    I tease my daughter who is a pilot like me. She is the smoothest, most relaxed hands and feet pilot I’ve ever met. It’s wonderful to fly with her…but the thing that she hasn’t got yet is perhaps the most important thing, the thing that you get as your brain matures: the ability to manage complex situations and the experience that allows you to recognise patterns and to take action before the “pattern” jumps up and bites you on the arse.
    What I’m getting around to saying (in my rambling fashion) is that a mature mind is a beautiful thing, it fills in the dots, it has the ability to recognise and live with the complexity in situations and it also, hopefully, knows what peace is.
    As to facelifts and the like. All I can say is that having just endured plastic surgery – for a non-beauty reason – anyone who gets stuff done for beauty has got to be nuts. It hurts, it’s certainly not risk free, why would you do that to yourself? What’s worse is that to my eyes it looks just plain scary. People begin to look like freaks, they don’t show who they are, they live behind these pointless frozen masks that reflect only the madness of their surgeons. That’s not beauty, that’s not life. What’s more I’ve never met a boob job that feels like the silky suppleness of the real thing!
    I applaud your honesty about your age, stick with it and enjoy who you are and who you are becoming. It’s a fascinating road seeing what our genes are going to dish up to us as we age.

  16. Parker,

    Thank you! Good to know you weren’t just talking to me, you were checking out my butt! 😉

    As for everything else you said — yes and yes! One day I would love to watch you at work. I mean that in admiration, not in a lecherous way. I’d tip too!

    Critical Alpha,

    Okay, now you have convinced me we would get along well. I learned some new and surprising things about you. Thank you for sharing.

    One of my reasons for avoiding surgery is that I’m a chicken about pain/risk and I don’t like being stuck in bed, recovering. My vanity has yet to outweigh my self-preservation instinct. Though I’m NOT fascinated about what my genes are going to do to me in 10 years!

    Mature minds ARE beautiful. I’ve always been attracted to people older than myself, both men and women (the women become friends). I like learning, I like hearing others’ stories.

    And I also like being able to stretch my legs and run fast, I like being able to still (sort of) get away with eating foods I shouldn’t, I like being able to get really physical in bed. I know these things won’t last forever. I know my mind will.

    XX

  17. You crack me up Amanda. 🙂 Yeah, guess as a dancer I’ve developed the habit of checking out other women (in an esthetic way). Sometimes it gets me in trouble like when I say to a woman in a non-club environment “You’ve got great breasts!!” and she looks at me like I’m a weirdo. Oopsy!

  18. Parker,

    I’m totally guilty of that. To me, it’s just part of the scenery. While I was stripping, I remember being in the gym and STARING at this woman with a full bush. To me, that was really exotic. I’m sure she thought I was perv.

    XX

  19. To Critical Alpha & Amanda – Great thoughts on the beautiful art of maturing. Many of my younger colleagues and cousins do have a go at me because of my age. I used to be a bit embarrassed and envious. But, as I started thinking deeply, and, sharing thoughts with people like you, I began to realize the value of my experiences and started applying diligently. And now, I have a whole new dimension to my self-esteem, outlook in life etc. Steve Jobs was right when he said that “You can only connect the dots when you look back in life”.

    Also, I was watching a TV ad and this supposedly successful person said something along the line “I only regret for somethings that I have done, and not, for things I had not done”. Many of us like to look back and regret for not having done many things in life, but forgetting that, the results may not be what we had wanted or hoped for.

  20. Peter,

    Glad you’re feeling your age in a good way!

    I tend to live life thinking if I don’t do something I want, I’ll regret it. About the only times I DO regret my actions are if I hurt someone or if I wasted my money stupidly. I do the latter FAR more than the former. So it’s not all bad.

    XX

  21. Dear Amanda:

    Certainly, one must strive to achieve objectives, plans etc. As a good friend of mine once remarked “No one plans to fail, but many people fail to plan”!

    But as you know, at times, we are unable to do certain things or, even achieve certain objectives. But, I now tend to think that one must be honest and objective enough to admit to oneself if the initial objectives were beyond one’s capability, or, that it was good that it did not happen at all.

    Cheers, mate!

  22. First, I hope you had a nice birthday.:)

    Second, reading your blog tonight is fitting. My birthday is this week, and I’ve been having a crisis the past few months not knowing if I should pull my website and move on (or reinvent myself as more mature and sophisticated, as I’m currently in the process of doing) just because I’m turning 28 years old (aah…the stress!), which feels ancient when I read guys constantly talk about the latest young hottie on the boards. And then there’s the pressure from outside the industry to be in school or have a “real job”. And while I am happy with my looks, I completely understand questioning if you should be doing more to improve yourself. I got botox at 26 for fear I would age my pretty face too quickly and be undesirable as an escort. I hoped I could get away with posting 26 years old in my ads forever and I did for two years, but alas I’ve decided to be honest in my latest ads by stating I’m “late-20’s” now. Then I wonder, can I post mid/late-20’s and shave a year give or take. Goodness! I suppose either way that it’s a good thing that I will be steering off the pervs looking for the latest “barely legal” escort (cough).

    With that said, reading your blog has given me a lot to think about (in a good way) and I certainly hope that when I am 35 years, especially if I continue to work in an industry that has a strong focus on age and looks, that I will be as youthful looking and beautiful as you…AND wise and mature. I love your honest approach to this industry as well, and it is awesome to see there are other real ladies out there too. Anyway, happy birthday and thanks for being open about your experience. It is nice to know that my concerns are real and that I am not alone.

    Warm regards and thanks for the option to post this anonymously. And whether you allow my comments or not (long, I know), thanks for letting me get this off my chest at 2am and just to say THANK YOU for addressing this real concern that many of us ladies share.

    Xoxo.

  23. Happy belated Birthday froma fellow libran. I can relate to your worry about your physicallity, as I am increasingly aware that I can’t carry the heavy stuff I used to. Can’t touch my toes either, which is worrying. :-/ But I keep thinking it’s just because I don’t do much exercise anymore. And if I did, I would. So to speak. Probably deluded, but less strenuous. 😉

    I got told yesterday that someone thought I was younger than the 35 he is, as opposed to my 38 now. Which is probably due to that saying I kinda enjoy…
    “Some people spend their lives trying to be young. I’ll be immature until the day I die…” 😀

  24. Anonymous escort,

    Thank YOU! I understand your concerns at 28 — I was feeling 30 looming above me. Turned out it was no big deal. 🙂

    Be who you are. Mature men (and maturity isn’t just a number), will be quite happy to know you. Take care of yourself and you’ll look good. Create a life without apologies or regrets and you’ll always look young.

    Start looking around at other escorts, including the VIPs on Eros. You might be surprised at how many are my age and older! It always puts a smile on my face. Sisters helping sisters (even indirectly).

    Jason,

    Thank you! Happy birthday to you too! I exercise and still can’t touch my toes — I’ve never been flexible.

    I don’t think youth is immaturity. I think if you’re happy with yourself and your life, you appear young. After all, isn’t “old” about being careworn, stressed and unhappy?

    My philosophy for the day.

    XX

  25. Actually, by immature I mean I’ll carry on trying to enjoy every moment like it was the first and last time I’ll live it. So I DO have a few water pistols, an RC dragonfly, video games and numerous other boys toys. It makes life much more fun and interesting. And I DO take lots of pleasure from small things like QUIETLY farting in a crowded lift and giving unopened coke cans a VIGOROUS shake, out of sight, before giving them to friends. 😉 However I am mature enough to realise that a joke is only a joke if you can undo it in less than 30 seconds, no harm done. An ex once said that I was the only one who thought I was funny. To which I replied that I was the only one who counted. I DID mention she’s an ex, right? 😉

  26. As I commented on your previous piece, “floating blossom”, I had some self reflection as my birthday passed this October. I too view myself much younger than my chronological age. I find it interesting and comforting to know others have similar thoughts about their life and ever changing physical status. We all want to stay healthy and mentally sharp forever. We all are going to change. You always have a refreshing way to make my day better. I went back to my college this last week to meet with old friends. We all have aged, some more, some less. The one thing that I found interesting was that those women I thought were beautiful in their youth are still attractive to me today. Their looks may have changed, but they were still the same person that I had always known. I think as the years pass just as many doors are opened for opportunity as are closed. Take solace in the fact that those who have always thought you a wonderful and beautiful lady will always have that view of you.

  27. Jason,

    Okay, you win the immaturity argument. I am laughing though!

    Greg,

    Thank you for this! What a lovely thought from you. I argue that perhaps even in your college days you found women attractive based on interior qualities as well, which is why they’re still beautiful to you. Just a guess. 🙂

    XX

  28. Wow, thank you, Amanda! I am totally knocked out to be mentioned in such an insightful, poignant piece. Made my day, especially as this very topic has been on my mind so much this past week (long story… suffice it to say that when I told my woes to our mutual Dallas friend she basically laughed at me which really put it in perspective and made me love her even more).

    Anyway, since I’m not really blogging anymore, allow me to blow up your comments section with a few middle-aged thoughts on the subject.

    Yeah, my energy isn’t what it used to be however I don’t waste so much of it anymore.

    And yes, it did feel like a sudden shift around age 38 when I realized that ‘tired look’ wasn’t from being tired, it was just the way I looked now. However two years later, seemingly overnight, I completely stopped caring what other people thought of me (not a bad trade off, frankly).

    And here’s the kicker… Recently, at 42, I started making the best money I’ve made since leaving Vegas 12 yrs ago and it gets better every month. One gent (60-ish) even told me he thought I was too young for him (right before spending $1,000 on me).

    I could lie about my age but I can’t abide enabling ageism (FYI, unapologetically low tolerance for idiocy is yet another perk of getting older). I haven’t faked an orgasm since the mid-90s and the idea of it makes me laugh. I’m no longer invested in, or bound by, my partner’s insecurities.

    And the best part is, I’m respected for that attitude. I get away with it in a way younger women do not. I’m sought out for it! I’m more openly opinionated every day, and with more open disregard for what anyone thinks of it, yet business picks up every month. Hmmmm… 😉

    For the record, I consider cosmetic procedures nothing more than pricey lip gloss and mascara. I’d love to live in a world where everyone realized how fucking hot Helen Mirren is but since I don’t, I got a tiny eye lift so I don’t look tired anymore. But I love the way my face has naturally thinned out and decided my crow’s feet and laugh lines can stay – I don’t want to scare off any more high dollar seniors who are not only fabulous company but treat me like the goddess I am.

    My best piece of unsolicited advice? Beware environmental toxins (household cleaners, electronics, plastics, fragrance, pesticides, GMOs…) and counteract with organic foods, internal cleanses and whole food supplements. Protect your thyroid – it’s more about hormones than people realize.

    By the way, I LOVE this: “would like to spend more time on my books and activism — these are meaningful pursuits in my life. Other times, the freedom and frivolity of escort work is exactly the mental break I need (and often there are very real lessons to be learned). Sometimes I think I have a limited amount of time to make serious money, other times I realize it’s infinite.” — which just goes to show how much more insightful you are than most women twice your age. And why you will always be #1 on my blogroll.

    You’re absolutely amazing and more so every day. By the time you’re my age, you may just rule the world (and oh, what a wonderful world it would be).

  29. Happen to know Casey, as a civilian, so to speak. Don’t know much about you business. But do know barely 35 should be wonderful. No longer a girl, but bona fide Woman. At 51, can’t say I wish I was 37 again. Am (older) wiser, and in the same shape. I’d think that regarding income and outcomes you’d do better professionally with older men. Raise your rates – you’ve got the experience. And no doubt, disregarding your choice of career, you seem the kind of woman – intelligent, thoughtful, observant, willing to engage life – that any discriminating man would chose to befriend. In fact, you are getting better and I’m sure that at 40, 45, you’ll be unlike most of your “peers.” I’ve no idea what you look like – just read the one post – but I’ll bet you look quite fine. You’re doing fine.

  30. Casey,

    Thank you so much for stopping by on this one! While I’m dying laughing at your “tired” look (I’m imagining the shock of realizing you WERE well-rested), everything else you’ve said just gives me more to look forward to.

    Several of my female friends over 40 have started not giving a damn about what others think and feel much freer. I’m working on that, trying to achieve it a little bit younger. I already have a low tolerance level for BS and I only see it getting lower (myself included). I need to meet more people who aren’t scared by a straight-shooter.

    I have started taking better care of myself in many ways, though some of that also includes indulgences too (followed by smarter workouts). Health is bigger concern than looks, as I’m one of the 50 million Americans w/o health insurance.

    And thank you so much for the final comments. Means a lot.

    Marc,

    Wow! Thanks for the comments and encouragement. Stop by more often!

    XX

  31. Well, I am 47 yrs. old and I went thru a huge metamorphasis a couple years ago after having 2 separate plastic surgeries. The effect on my appearance gave me a huge boost of confidence, and I began a new career as an independent sex worker under the guise of massuse. I live in a small, extremely conservative community and have been able to support myself in this way to my happy surprise. My age does not seem to matter to my clients, nor do my scars seem to bother them either.

  32. Whitehouse Massuse,

    Nice to see you here and for sharing your story! You’re breaking all sorts of myths.

    I’m not anti-plastic surgery, I’m just a chicken about someone rearranging my bits. I’m very glad you’re doing well. Stop by again!

    XX

  33. Happy Belated Birthday!

    I am 27 and don’t dread 30s – in fact, I can’t wait for them. Since discovering escorting, most of my role models were in their 30s-40s and even older (Ex-Courtesan Gilette). Not to mention my mother… They made me view age as an amazing journey that eventually lets you work out the quirks and truly live.

  34. Thais,

    It’s not me dreading my 30s, it’s a lot of people OTHER than me doing it for me. But you will question things. 🙂

    There is also a sense of “Oh shit! I’m running out of time to [do whatever].”

    XX

  35. I agree with Marc in that I don’t wish he were 37 either…that man makes 51 look AMAZING (sigh). 😉

    Anyway, there’s no doubt, Amanda, that you’ll hit all those ‘attitude’ markers (the good ones) at a younger age b/c you’re so far ahead of the curve already. I’m 8 years older yet have always looked up to you in so many ways.

  36. You American girls are truly lucky. I completely agree with you that in the US, women are treated more equally to men and actually valued for their personality.
    Dont try this in London, Germany or Europe in general, people are really fucked in the brain.
    It has been a nightmare to me when I had to leave the US having to deal with this insane suetficiality (55 year olds telling me I’m over the hill). I am 33 now, yes had some surgery but I look fucking great and mostly young guys are still into me more than in my 20 ies.
    So happy when I’m back in the US soon.

    1. Jinie — It’s true. Of the many things I complain about US men, ageism isn’t a big deal here, not like it is in other countries. France seems a little more open to the concept of hot older women than most of Europe. Though the oldest sex workers seem to be in Holland.

      You’re only 33 and getting this shit? Oh yeah, I did too. It is ridiculous. A woman just doesn’t die when she hits 29. She’s barely getting started. Men, on the other hand, age fast and early. I guess they judge us by their own bodies, which is a poor standard.

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