Damn! You put it so well! Thank you!

Your 3rd paragraph perfectly sums up the dilemma women face. And yes, some are capable of shooting off the ego at the knees — most are not. I’m not one of them (how many years did it take me to even express the incidents in this post?). Which just adds to the frustration.

In the future, it will help me knowing that a lot of men are on my side and sympathize. The comments have shown me that and it’s something I failed to acknowledge. Normal, sane men don’t appreciate the assholes either.

A bully…yes. Bullies don’t like to be confronted. I have a plan of action now — assuming I can get my brain to work at the right moment.

Thank you for your insight and welcome!

XX

In regards to your rage, I think it’s perfectly understandable. As a man, I can’t say that I’ve ever experienced anything similar, and no basis for comparison even if I had. Your description, though, was very powerful and the emotions you painted can be recognized by anyone.

It has to be amazingly frustrating to have your person so *casually* violated while, at the same time, making you also feel powerless; after all, nearly any response you make to the situation would be viewed more negatively by society than the act you are responding to! How do you decide, in that moment where your emotions begin to shift out the side of your stomach, what the “appropriate” response is? Do you yell, and risk escalating things and having at least some people blame you for “making a big deal out of nothing?” Or do you satisfy your anger and tazer the guy in the gonads and then spend the night in jail for assault?

One of the comments above said that such invasions of personal privacy are assaults on the psyche and I think that that is probably pretty accurate. It’s a type of mental bullying. The best response (though probably not the MOST satisfying) would be, as mentioned above, to mentally bully the person back with some cutting comment tossed casually at their feet; king of like chopping their ego off at the knees. Not everyone has the knack to be that calculating while that pissed off, though.

To sum up, I think it boils down to bullying. Just because the behavior isn’t physical in nature doesn’t mean that the emotions caused are any less real or any less deserving of consideration … it just means that you are more limited when it comes to your response since society, for the most part, cares more about the action you take than the actual harm you cause.

Well, looking back at my comment, I’m not sure that made much sense. Either way, you have my sympathy and I wish you much success with your writing and your blog.

Your rage is probably quite simliar, but not the SAME as what a woman feels in these situations. I am VERY glad that you stopped your girlfriend’s impending rape and took these guys to court.

You also have to realize that justice is a long way off, especially if you do any sort of sex work (see one of the comments left here if you want a clear illustration of the attitude). The rage women feel is the understanding that there will rarely be any justice — even if reported.

And what exactly would I report? A man looking at me in a dressing booth? Do you honestly think the police would come out for that? Again, where would my justice come from? Not from the outside.

I agree that all women should stand up for themselves the moment they feel violated. It’s not easy. Not only because it’s giving these assholes validating attention (like you pointed out), but who knows if a strong-minded woman will set them off and instead of merely being visually violated, she’s physically harmed? Trust me, that goes through every women’s head in a situation like this.

It would be better if men reined in their actions and respected women’s human right to personal privacy and realize we’re not always here for the purposing of entertaining men (sometimes we’re actually just going about our own lives). For starters…

XX

One time was when my girlfriend was nearly raped by two guys at a party who put roofies in her drink. Needless to say, I was preparing to kill both of them before the justice system got hold of them. The worst part being that neither was put in jail. I’m just happy that another guy at the party found the room they were in and stopped her from getting raped.

Once my girlfriend had her boobs grabbed by a guy at school (I wasn’t around). At first I was pissed at the guy, but became angry at her for not reporting it to the administration (come on, if you don’t report this shit you might as well just accept it). Seriously, if you are ever violated it needs to be reported IMMEDIATELY.

I also remember being pissed on other instances, such as when guys would make fun of the way a girl’s body looks (E.G. “She’s lopsided!”). Guys are almost always critical of girl’s rears since guy’s tastes in girl’s behinds tend to vary quite a bit.

Really, the best way to deal with this sort of thing is to call them out. Yell ’stop looking at me!’ in a pissed off way. Unfortunately, many of these egotistical guys are the same guys that get tons of female attention and adoration for the way they act. It is sort of a double-edged sword.

A female crying is just a female crying — from the outside perspective. It IS enraging, isn’t it?

We do tend to dampen our own experiences. Is this because of societal pressures? Or as a coping mechanism? Or because we’re all hellishly aware that it could be worse and then how would we feel?

Men judge women’s appearances on a numerical scale, we judge bad things that happen to us on a relative scale. That’s messed up. Both ways.

I’m sorry you went through that with your own mother (I’m so very grateful to say my mother is more tolerant). I COMPLETELY know the feeling though. Substitute ” mother” with “my ex-boyfriend” and you have the last several months of our relationship.

It is hell.

Hugs right back to you.

XX